


I Need You, Always

by Batteryafter



Category: Kpop - Fandom, UP10TION
Genre: Abuse, Blood and Violence, Don’t Judge Me, Fights, It’s sad but cute too, M/M, Self Harm, Slow paced smut fast pace relationship, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-05-26 05:21:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14993678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batteryafter/pseuds/Batteryafter
Summary: Kuhn meets Wooshin on a blind date and things start to move fast but in a scary way.





	1. Chapter 1

“So you’re an artist, huh?” Kuhn always found these blind dates annoying but he at least gives them a shot. 

 

“I mean, I sing but I don’t play too many instruments. I mainly just go to my classes.” Wooshin replies, playing with the straw of his drink. “And what did you say you do?” 

 

“I’m a student and I work at Walmart but I like to rap in my free time.” 

 

“Gotta say, just to be blunt. Your deep ass voice is sexy as fuck.” 

 

Kuhn is taken back by this but enjoys someone finding anything about him attractive. He tries to hide his smirk by shoving a few ice cubes in his mouth. Wooshin seems like the type that wouldn’t give a shit if a tornado hit his house. Kuhn thinks he is that type, however, he is afraid of regular wind. He feels his face begin to burn the longer he sits staring at this boy. The look in Wooshin’s eyes seems like he is also enjoying himself. Or at least, as much as he can. 

 

“So, how did you meet Kogyeol?” Wooshin asks, placing a mint on his tongue. 

 

“College. He was in my Poli Sci class. Then we became roommates.” Kuhn replies, still slightly distracted by how he suddenly wants to be a mint. “Uh, you?” 

 

“We met online.” 

 

“Like- dating app?” 

 

Wooshin shakes his head as he takes a drink of water. “We never dated, though. Only a few hook ups. But we still hang out every once and awhile.” 

 

Kuhn’s heart races as he flops on his couch. His cat jumps on his lap and rubs against his chest. He fans his face, thinking about the date. It was the first blind date that he actually felt interested in. He wonders if Wooshin is thinking the same thing. Is he having a crisis as well? 

 

Wooshin bites his lip as Kogyeol walks into his living room. Kogyeol can see right through Wooshin’s bad boy attitude. He lays on Wooshin’s lap, staring up at him. 

 

“I have his number if you want it.” Kogyeol says with a huge smile on his face. 

 

“I don’t know. Is he the desperate type?” Wooshin sighs, placing a his finger to his lip. 

 

“No, he just doesn’t have a lot of friends. He’s quiet until you get to know him. But not in an obnoxious way.” 

 

“I like them lonely.” He smirks. “Sure, give me his number.” 

 

Wooshin doesn’t immediately text Kuhn. In fact, he doesn’t for over a week. He wonders if he waited too long. His hands hover over the bottle of vodka sitting on his counter. He thinks about Kuhn. He can’t stop thinking about him. Wooshin frustrates himself, trying to figure out why he is feeling so desperate for a stranger. The vodka finds its way to the coffee table, half empty. 

 

**Hey..**

 

**Who’s this?**

 

**Wooshin.**

 

Kuhn’s heart skips a beat when he reads the message. He fumbles with the phone, dropping it on the floor. Kogyeol leans over when he picks his phone back up, curiously looking at the screen. 

 

“Oh? Wooshin texted you?” Kogyeol smiles and raises a brow. 

 

“I wonder how he got my number?” Kuhn says, slightly sarcastically. “Um, how do I respond?” 

 

Kogyeol shrugs and walks to his room, but not before stealing the rest of the chips. Kuhn holds his breath to keep from hyperventilating. 

 

**Are you busy?**

 

**Nah just at home chilling**

 

**Want to hang out?**

**I’m kinda lonely**

 

**A boy like you gets lonely?**

 

Wooshin chuckles and rolls his eyes. 

 

**I can text you my address.**

**I want to learn more about you**

 

Kuhn’s eyes widen as he receives Wooshin’s address. He doesn’t reply, wondering if it’s a joke. Kogyeol runs out after Kuhn yells out in confusion. 

 

“This Wooshin’s real life address?” Kuhn shoves his phone in Kogyeol‘s face. 

 

“It sure is, baby boy.” Kogyeol slaps his shoulder. “You should go get him. He’s probably drunk, though.” 

 

“Why do you say that?” 

 

“He had the courage to text you.” 

 

Kuhn copies the address into Google Maps and stares at how close he is. Kogyeol throws his jacket and keys at him. He stands up, feeling his hands shake slightly. His thoughts go a mile a minute as he rides down a dark road. The steering wheel becomes hard to grip the more his hands sweat. He pulls into the parking lot of what he hopes is the duplex that Wooshin lives in. His mouth hangs open at how expensive the building looks. 

 

Wooshin picks his head up from the table when he hears a knock at the door. He naturally walks to the door, smoothing his shirt out. The chain lock keeps him from opening the door fully, catching both of them off guard. Wooshin lets out an unexpected laugh and closes the door, unlocking it fully. Kuhn hesitates to walk in, afraid he will stain the white carpet. His mind eases as Wooshin grabs his wrist and pulls him towards the living room. Wooshin is clearly drunk but Kuhn doesn’t care, he is getting attention. 

 

His eyes don’t leave Wooshin’s as they sit across from each other on the couch. Wooshin has his feet up, legs to his chest. 

 

“I have to be honest, I don’t have a lot of friends either.” Wooshin quietly tells him. “I’m surprised you’re even interested in me.” 

 

“Is that why you drank half a bottle of vodka?” Kuhn points at the bottle. 

 

“No, that’s just my normal Tuesday routine. It’s my one day off.” 

 

“Ah- so, what do you want to learn about me?” 

 

“Mainly how what your lips feel like on mine.”

 

Kuhn chokes on air, prompting Wooshin to lean over and hit his back. His mouth dries but he still doesn’t look away from Wooshin. Wooshin keeps his hand on Kuhn’s back, concerned but flattered. His smirk makes Kuhn hold his breath. A shock is sent down Kuhn’s spine as Wooshin places his hand on his cheek. He begins to lean forward, not realizing it. They both close their eyes when their lips touch. Wooshin pulls Kuhn as he lays on his back, bringing his body on top on him. This is the most attention Kuhn has received in a very very long time. And he definitely enjoys it. Even if Wooshin is drunk. 

 

Wooshin wraps his arms around Kuhn, feeling how warm he is. He digs his nails in his waist, pulling him down into him. Kuhn bites Wooshin’s bottom lip as his hand travels up his chest and to his neck. Wooshin grabs Kuhn’s wrist, wrapping his hand around his throat. He moans against Kuhn’s lips, making him grind against him harder. Wooshin pulls away, keeping his eyes closed. 

 

“I-I think you should go.” He whispers, lowering his head against Kuhn’s. 

 

“What? Did I do something wrong?” Kuhn’s voice cracks as he feels like he’s been punched in the chest. 

 

“No, I just-can’t do this right now. I’m sorry.”

 

Kuhn stands up, trying to keep his eyes from watering. He quickly walks out without a word. Wooshin grabs his head and yells out, throwing the vodka across the room. He shakes as he walks to his bedroom, slamming the door shut. 

 

Kogyeol jumps as Kuhn throws the door open. He looks up from the couch, calling him over. Kuhn drops down and lets a tear fall from his cheek. 

 

“I don’t know how but I fucked it up. He just stopped and told me to leave.” Kuhn pouts. 

 

“Was he drinking?” Kogyeol asks, jumping forward. 

 

“Yeah, a lot, honestly. Kinda concerned me.” 

 

Kogyeol stands up quickly, running out of the apartment. Kuhn stares at the door. His head falls to the side, completely confused. 

 

Kogyeol opens Wooshin’s door with the key he was given. He rushes in, yelling out for Wooshin. His body shakes as he runs towards the bedroom. Wooshin is sprawled across the bed, face down. Kogyeol jumps to him, grabbing his side and flipping him over. His face is pale and stained with tears. Kogyeol grabs his face, trying to wake him up. 

 

“Wooshin, look at me. What did you take this time?” He yells, shaking him slightly. “Wooshin, please!” 

 

He turns around when he hears the floorboards creak. Kuhn stands there, staring at Wooshin’s limp body. He walks in, throwing Kogyeol out of the way. Kuhn picks Wooshin up and carries him to the bathroom. He sets him down so he is facing the toilet. Wooshin weakly rests his arm against it, coughing and gagging. Kuhn runs out to the kitchen and gets a glass of water. He runs back, holding Wooshin up, telling him to drink it. Wooshin refuses at first but Kuhn forces him. Kuhn tells Wooshin to make himself throw up. Kogyeol watches to the side, in shock. 

 

Wooshin shakes as he pukes violently. Kuhn holds him, rubbing his back. He makes Wooshin drink one more glass of water. Kogyeol steps to the side as Kuhn picks Wooshin up by his waist. 

 

“I need you to stay awake for me.” Kuhn tells Wooshin, walking him to the living room. 

 

“Thank you.” Wooshin weakly lets out. 

 

“I’m gonna stay here with you. I’m not going to leave until I know you’re okay.” 

 

Wooshin nods, holding back his tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

 

He crumples down but Kuhn holds him up, carrying him to the couch. Kogyeol stands there awkwardly for a few minutes before he walks to the bedroom. He sits on the bed and sighs, staring at the floor. Wooshin still feels dizzy, his body falling into Kuhn multiple times. Kuhn holds his hand and keeps him awake. His leg shakes but he stays awake all night to watch over Wooshin. Kogyeol leaves around 2am because he works the next morning. 

 

At around 6am, Kuhn walks Wooshin to the bedroom, laying him down in bed. He goes to pull away but Wooshin grabs his shirt. Kuhn makes him let go, stepping back after pulling the blanket over him. Wooshin quickly falls asleep. Kuhn hesitates to leave but eventually does around 7:30am. 

 

When he walks in the door, Kogyeol is making himself breakfast. He takes his shoes off and drags his feet towards his room. Kogyeol stops what he’s doing and runs over to Kuhn. 

 

“How did you know what to do?” Kogyeol asks, holding onto his arm. 

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kuhn’s voice is groggy. 

 

He pushes Kogyeol‘s hands off and goes into his room, slamming the door shut. Kogyeol sighs and returns to getting ready for work. 

 

Kuhn wakes up around noon. He grabs his phone and calls Wooshin immediately. Wooshin picks up but doesn’t say anything at first. 

 

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” Wooshin speaks quietly. “How did you know what to do?” 

 

“I almost lost my best friend in a similar way. I saved him just in time.” Kuhn’s voice shakes.

 

“Oh- I’m sorry. Thank you for saving me, too. Usually, I just end up on the floor, alone and nauseous.” 

 

“I know we don’t know each other well but I’m still here for you if you need help.” 

 

“Can you come over tonight, after I’m done with class?” Wooshin’s voice cracks as he stares at the ceiling. 

 

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll be there. Just let me know when.”

 

Wooshin thanks him and hangs up. He grabs his backpack from the floor and walks outside. His car sits, parked on the street. The ride to class is quiet, instead of the normal blaring of music. He keeps his AC on full blast to keep him focused. 

 

His classes went horrible. He couldn’t pay attention to anything the professors were saying. There was a test in his Psych class that he guarantees he failed. At 5pm, he gets his phone out, while walking to the parking garage. There is a missed call from Kogyeol and a text from Kuhn. He doesn’t check the message, sliding the phone back in his pocket. His head rests on the steering wheel and he stares at his lap. He jumps and gasps when someone knocks on his window. A boy stands outside, cocking his head to the side. 

 

“Hwanhee? What are you doing here?” Wooshin widens his eyes, cracking the window halfway. 

 

“Who is he?” Hwanhee asks in a growl. 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

Hwanhee slams his hands against the door. “I saw you with a guy, in the bar. Who is he?”

 

“He’s no one you need to know.” 

 

Wooshin flinches as Hwanhee kicks the door, putting a dent in the side. Hwanhee reaches in grabbing Wooshin by his hair. “I swear to god, if you fuck another boy, I’ll tear you to shreds. I’m coming over tonight.” 

 

Hwanhee pets Wooshin’s head and walks away. Wooshin hyperventilates as he starts his car with tears in his eyes. He sits outside his place for an hour, just staring at his dashboard. His phone vibrates but he ignores it. He can’t text Kuhn right now. Not with Hwanhee around. 

 

Kuhn takes a shot of rum with Kogyeol. It’s 1:45am. Kogyeol drinks for fun but Kuhn is drinking to forget that Wooshin didn’t call him. He wonders if he messed up again. Or worse, something happened to him and Kuhn wasn’t there to save him. His stomach aches as he takes another shot but he doesn’t care. Kogyeol wraps his arm around Kuhn, resting his head on his shoulder. Kuhn sighs before pouring one last shot before he blacks out. 

 

Wooshin doesn’t call Kuhn the next day, nor the day after that. He doesn’t call for a month. Kuhn feels sick with stress, wondering what’s wrong with him. Every time Kuhn goes to his house, no one answers but he can hear someone inside. Kogyeol can’t get ahold of Wooshin either. But he knows what is happening and refuses to tell Kuhn. He just tells him that it’s normal and he can’t do anything about it. Kuhn starts to get angry. Not at Wooshin, at Kogyeol. For not telling him what’s going on. For the fact that he obviously knows what’s wrong. 

 

Another week goes by, Kuhn is walking to his History class. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Wooshin. His head is down and he is walking slowly towards the same building. Kuhn doesn’t think, just runs towards Wooshin. His mouth hangs open as Wooshin gasps and flinches. Wooshin tries to keep his head low but Kuhn spots something off. He pulls Wooshin’s face up, seeing a large bruise on his cheekbone and a split in his lip. Wooshin grips the strap of his backpack tightly and tries to walk away. Kuhn stops him by the shoulder and stares in concern. 

 

“I can’t talk right now. I’m late. Just come over at 8.” Wooshin speaks quickly in a low tone. 

 

He shakes as he rips away, looking around cautiously before walking inside. Kuhn skips class that day. He just sits on the bench, staring and thinking. Wondering that happened to Wooshin. He gets his phone out and calls Kogyeol. 

 

“What is Wooshin hiding? Who hurt him?” Kuhn’s voice is serious. 

 

“I’m-I’m not allowed to tell you. He’ll-hurt me too.” Kogyeol takes a sharp breath, trying not to be scared. “It’s best to just leave it alone, Kuhn.” 

 

Kogyeol hangs up and throws the phone on the table. He puts his hands to his face and begins to sob. His eyes burn as he pulls his sleeve up, seeing the large bruise around his arm. A noise makes him jump and yelp. The cat runs away from the box it knocked over, easing Kogyeol‘s mind. The phone rings and Kogyeol freezes when he reads the ID. He picks up but doesn’t say anything. He just listens to Hwanhee’s threats, closing his eyes out of fear. 

 

Kuhn reaches Wooshin’s door at around 8:15pm. He expects the door to be locked and no one to answer. However, he brought Kogyeol’s spare key. He doesn’t have to use it as Wooshin opens the door. The bruises on Wooshin’s face look just as bad in artificial lighting. Kuhn’s heart aches as he walks in, keeping a close eye on Wooshin. 

 

“Kuhn. I’m not allowed to see you.” Wooshin swallows hard. “If you want to stay safe, it’s best of you forgot about me.” 

 

“I can’t do that. I’ll never do that. I’ll fight whoever did this to you. Just tell me who it is.” Kuhn tries to stay calm but ends up yelling slightly. 

 

Wooshin breathes heavily as Kuhn raises his voice. “Please. Kogyeol thought the same thing.”

 

“I won’t leave. I’m in love with you.” 

 

Wooshin freezes and meets eyes with Kuhn. Tears form but he refuses to blink to let them fall. Eventually, they do, burning as they hit his cheek. Kuhn goes to hug Wooshin but he pulls away suddenly, widening his eyes. He apologizes. Kuhn grabs the bottom of Wooshin’s shirt and pulls it off. He stares in shock and anger. Bruises and cuts line his back and shoulder. Wooshin stumbles back, falling into the wall. He apologizes again before his head slams backwards into the plaster. 

 

Kuhn cries as he leans down, holding the back of his head to keep it safe. Wooshin takes Kuhn’s hand and holds it to his chest. His breaths are shallow and Kuhn can feel his heartbeat slow. Wooshin’s lips begin to dry as he weakly pushing himself towards Kuhn’s. He kisses him, shaking from using too much energy. His body falls to the side, but Kuhn catches him and pulls him to his lap. 

 

Wooshin wakes up the next day in a hospital bed. He panics but he’s too weak to sit up. The door opens and he expects Hwanhee to be standing at the foot of the bed. Instead, Kogyeol walks in with a bouquet of flowers. He sets him on the windowsill. 

 

“You need to stop trying to kill yourself. You have someone who is willing to save you no matter what.” Kogyeol tells him, placing his hand on his leg. 

 

“Where’s Kuhn? Did Hwanhee-“ Wooshin stops, feeling a lump in his throat. 

 

“He’s downstairs, buying lunch. Wooshin, I think it’s time for you to be brave and stand up to Hwanhee. You won’t be alone. You’ll have Kuhn. And trust me, I’ve known him since our first year, he can handle a fight.”

 

“I can’t do that. I won’t put Kuhn through that. He doesn’t deserve it.” 

 

“Yeah, well, neither did I but I still deal with it. And I was just a hookup. He’s in love with you.” 

 

“And I’m in love with him. But this is too much to handle. I wish this would just all disappear. Or at least I would. No one deserves this pain expect me.” 

 

Kogyeol goes to reply but stops when the door opens. Kuhn walks in, smiling and greeting Kogyeol. He sets his food down and walks to the side of Wooshin’s bed. His eyes are red and puffy as if he’s been crying. 

 

“Hwanhee doesn’t stand a chance against me.” Kuhn sighs, hiding his bloody knuckles behind his back. 

 

“I don’t know what to say, anymore.” Wooshin tells him. “If you die, it’s not my fault.” He lets out a chuckle that both warms and pains Kuhn. 

 

“You’d kill me if I died. I wouldn’t do that.” 

 

Kuhn leans over and kisses Wooshin’s forehead. The next morning, Wooshin is discharged. However, he stays with Kuhn and Kogyeol. Kogyeol gives his bed up and sleeps on the couch. He doesn’t mind one bit, as long as he is helping a friend. Kuhn stays awake for days, stress eating him alive. He curses as blood streams from his nose in the middle of dinner one night. Wooshin and Kogyeol start to worry but they don’t say anything. They know how stubborn Kuhn is. 

 

The next morning, Wooshin finally snaps, yelling at Kuhn to sleep. Kuhn stares at the broken glass at his feet as water spreads across the floor. Kogyeol carefully pulls Kuhn away. Kuhn’s head falls forward and snaps back up as his body tries to shut him down. As soon as his body hits the bed, he passes out. He doesn’t wake up for another 12 hours. In those 12 hours, Wooshin sits at the dining room table, picking at his fingernails. Kogyeol had cleaned the mess up and went to class. Wooshin plays with the hospital bracelet that he never took off. His head pops up when Kuhn walks across the hall towards the bathroom. A few moments later, he walks out and greets Wooshin, making his way to the kitchen. 

 

“Are you hungry?” Kuhn asks, rummaging around his unstocked cabinets. 

 

“I was thinking, maybe we could go out for dinner. Just you and me.” Wooshin replies, gasping when Kuhn accidentally slams the cabinet closed. 

 

“Yeah, that sounds great. Where do you want to go?” 

 

“Let’s just drive around until we find something.” 

 

Kuhn chuckles and walks over to Wooshin, pulling him into a hug. Wooshin stands up to hug him tighter, holding his breath as Kuhn touches a bruise. Kuhn moves his arm down quickly and apologizes for hurting him. Wooshin shakes his head and tells him it’s okay, resting his head on his chest. 

 

The two drive around the main strip, looking for somewhere to eat. Kuhn parks the car but doesn’t turn it off. Wooshin clutches his cell phone to his chest and stares into space. 

 

“Babe?” Kuhn snaps him back to reality. “Where do you want to eat?” 

 

“Honestly, let’s just have vodka for dinner.” Wooshin shrugs. 

 

“Wooshin- alright, Italian it is.” 

 

Kuhn turns the car off and gets out but Wooshin doesn’t. He walks to the passenger side door and opens it, holding his hand out. Wooshin tries to hide his smile as he takes Kuhn’s hand. They make their way down the road towards the restaurant. Wooshin keeps his head low and his body close to Kuhn’s. Kuhn wraps his arm around Wooshin, trying to comfort him. He holds his hand tightly as they walk in, waiting for someone to seat them. 

 

The dinner goes well. Wooshin begins to ease his mind and enjoy the night. He sips at a glass of wine, smiling up at Kuhn. His cheeks turn red the more he drink and the more Kuhn keeps eye contact. Wooshin’s phone goes off and he starts to panic. He stares at the screen, then up to Kuhn, breathing hard. Kuhn tries to calm him down but he can’t. Wooshin looks around before running out to the car. Kuhn curses to himself, throwing more than enough money on the table to cover the bill. He runs towards Wooshin, who is leaning against the car, having a panic attack. Kuhn drops in front of him and tries to get him to breathe. 

 

“Hey, it’s okay. He can’t hurt you. Just breathe for me.” Kuhn tells him, fanning his face. 

 

“No, you don’t understand! I changed my number yesterday.” Wooshin buries his head in his arms. “Can you please take me home?” 

 

“Are you sure you want to go back to your place? I can take you to mine to be safe.” 

 

“He knows where you live already, Kuhn, it doesn’t matter which house we go to, he’s gonna be there.” 

 

Kuhn unlocks the door and Wooshin stands up, getting in the car. He watches as Kuhn walks to the driver’s side. Wooshin screams as someone runs behind Kuhn, hitting him in the back of the head. He falls to the ground, groaning in pain. The man wears a hoodie and covers his face with a mask. Wooshin tries to lock the doors but the man opens the driver’s side door. He can hear Kuhn groaning in pain as he rushes out of the car. Wooshin backs away onto the sidewalk until he is against a building. The man picks Kuhn up by his arm and throws him against the car. Kuhn grabs the man by his throat and pushes him back. Wooshin watches completely in shock. The man goes to throw a punch but Kuhn blocks him. Kuhn hits the man in the jaw and forces him onto the ground. Wooshin steps to the side to see what’s happening. The man’s hoodie falls and Wooshin can see who it is. He yells out and runs over to the two. 

 

Kuhn refuses to let Hwanhee go at first. Wooshin pulls at his shirt but eventually give up, backing off. He watches as Kuhn pulls the mask off, revealing Hwanhee’s bloody nose. Hwanhee puts his hands up in defense and yells out. 

 

“Okay, man! Mercy. Jesus fuck!” Hwanhee coughs. 

 

“I’m gonna guess you’re Hwanhee?” Kuhn growls, pulling him up by his hoodie. “Get the fuck out of here and leave Wooshin alone. He doesn’t care about you.” 

 

Hwanhee side eyes Wooshin. “You don’t know that. You should hear when he screams my name. It’s you he couldn’t care less about.” 

 

“Hwanhee, shut up!” The two jump as Wooshin yells. “I don’t love you. I never loved you. You are an abusive, cheating piece of shit and I never want to see you again.” 

 

Wooshin stumbles back as Hwanhee tries to run at him. Kuhn wraps his arm around Hwanhee’s neck and pulls him down. He tells Wooshin to get in the car and lock the doors. Wooshin does just that. Kuhn drags Hwanhee to the sidewalk, throwing him to the ground and kicking his stomach. Wooshin puts his head in his knees, covering his ears and closing his eyes. 

 

A few moments later, Kuhn unlocks the door, getting in without a word. Back at Kuhn’s apartment, Wooshin lays on the couch. Kogyeol shakes his leg as he sits on the floor across from Wooshin. Kuhn bandages his hand. He makes Kogyeol show him his bruises as well. 

 

“If there’s one thing I hate, it’s the people I care about lying to me even though they are suffering.” Kuhn’s voice is soft but cuts like a knife. 

 

“I’m sorry, Kuhn.” Wooshin replies, staring at the wall. “I didn’t want to make you mad.” 

 

“I’m not mad at you, at either of you. I just-Kogyeol I’ve known you for 4 years and I’m just learning about this. Wooshin, why couldn’t you trust me that I can protect you?” 

 

“Because I didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

 

Kuhn walks over to Wooshin, leaning in front of him. “What hurts me is seeing you in pain.” 

 

Wooshin’s lip quivers as he tries to bury his face in a pillow. Kuhn lowers his head onto the couch cushion, placing his hand over Wooshin’s. 

 

Kuhn walks out of his foreign language class, pulling at his hair. He holds his exam in his hands, hiding the grade. Wooshin runs up to him, jumping on his back. Kuhn yells out and laughs, spinning around to kiss Wooshin. He rests his hands on Wooshin’s waist and smiles. Wooshin pulls out a strawberry milk and a corded bracelet. He wraps the bracelet around Kuhn’s wrist, kissing the top of his hand. 

 

“Happy 2 months.” Wooshin laughs. “I’m not usually this kind of person but hey, I like you,” 

 

Kuhn takes the milk and opens it. “How cute! I didn’t get you anything, though.” 

 

“Aw, well you can just come over to my place to make up for it.” 

 

“Sounds good, baby.” Kuhn smiles, giving Wooshin the milk to finish. 

 

They walk towards the History building where they meet Kogyeol. He waves and meets them halfway. The three talk for about 15 minutes, Wooshin checking the time to make sure he isn’t late for class. He kisses Kuhn on the cheek before walking in. Kogyeol eyes the exam in Kuhn’s hand, snatching it to look at the grade. 

 

“Dude, this is so bad. You’re gonna fail.” Kogyeol shakes his head in disbelief. 

 

“I’d like to see you take this test.” Kuhn pouts, crossing his arms. 

 

“I did take it and passed. I took version 1, the advanced version.”

 

“Oh shut up, you’re not better than me.” 

 

“Apparently at English, I am.” The two start walking towards the parking lot. “So, doing anything fun tonight?” 

 

“Wooshin wants me to come over for our 2 months.” 

 

“Really? He’s never been that type. Damn, you caught him really good.” 

 

Kuhn rolls his eyes and pushes Kogyeol away. He laughs to himself as he unlocks his car. Kogyeol is driving away as Kuhn turns his car on. He smiles, thinking about Wooshin being so attached. Never in his life had he been with someone who cared this much. Kuhn’s heart aches the more he thinks of Wooshin, however. He thinks of all the hard times in the beginning. He wonders if Wooshin will relapse. His body jumps as his phone begins to ring. He puts it on speaker phone, holding it to his mouth. 

 

“Hello?” Kuhn answers the call. 

 

“I don’t want you to think I’m a bad guy.” A voice on the other side whispers out. 

 

“Who is this?” 

 

There’s hesitation but Kuhn stays patient. “Hwanhee.” 

 

“I’m not even gonna ask how you found my number. And to be honest, I’m not sure I want to hear how you’re not a bad person when you abused the two people I love.” 

 

“I understand why you’re harsh and I deserve all the hate you can give me. But please, can you just let Wooshin know I still love him and care about him?” 

 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve-“ 

 

Kuhn pauses as he drops the phone on the floor. He curses loudly, waiting for a straightaway before attempting to pick the phone back up. His left foot tries to scoot the phone back but it slides under the brake pedal. Hwanhee listens carefully to the struggle, not sure what is happening. He hears a loud noise before the call cuts off. 

 

Hwanhee attempts to call again but the phone is off. He sighs and calls Wooshin. Wooshin looks at his phone during class and freezes. His face turns pale as he quietly walks out of the class, taking his things with him. He slowly answers.

 

“Wooshin! Listen I don’t want to hurt you or anything like that. I think Kuhn got into an accident.” Hwanhee yells into the phone, trying to keep calm. 

 

“What? How do you know? Where is he?” Wooshin begins to panic, running down the hall and out of the building. 

 

“I don’t know where. I called him to apologize and I think he dropped his phone while driving, I don’t know. There was a lot of noise and then nothing. Now his phone’s off.” 

 

Wooshin hangs up the phone and runs to his car as fast as he can. He calls Kogyeol and explains what he knows. Kogyeol gets in his car and drive towards the campus while Wooshin drives towards the apartment. Wooshin’s heart pounds as traffic slows down suddenly. He can see it’s backed up. A  bit up the road, he can see a police car and an ambulance. He can’t see a car or anything, though. His body trembles the more he moves towards the accident. 

 

His stomach twists when he finally comes up to it. He pulls over and rushes over without turning his car off. An officer stops him and asks who he is. He yells out for Kuhn but doesn’t see him in the car. The car had veered into the guardrail during a sudden sharp turn. Wooshin explains who he is and rips past the officer, running towards the ambulance. 

 

An EMT and another officer look up at him as he stares inside the ambulance. He stares at Kuhn. His forehead is bleeding and he has an oxygen mask over his face. There is blood and glass all over his face and chest. Wooshin jumps inside, even though the EMT said he shouldn’t. He looks down at Kuhn, sitting next to him. Kuhn breathes heavily as he grabs for Wooshin’s hand. He lets out a laugh which forces him to cough in pain. Wooshin rolls his eyes and tries to smile, shaking his head. 

 

“You’re such a dumbass.” Wooshin tells him. “I still love you, though.”

 

Kuhn smiles and closes his eyes, tired from whatever the EMT gave him in his IV. Wooshin climbs out and walks back to his car. He calls Kogyeol to let him know what hospital Kuhn will be at. Kogyeol thanks him and pulls back onto the road to find a place to turn around. 

 

Wooshin calms himself down, knowing that Kuhn isn’t in too bad of shape. As soon as he reach the hospital parking lot, his phone rings. He answers without hesitation. 

 

“Is Kuhn okay?” Hwanhee actually sounds concerned. 

 

“Yes. He’s fine.” Wooshin wants to keep the conversation short. 

 

“Don’t be short with me, I’m trying to be nice here.” 

 

“Since when did you become nice? Honestly, I’m not in the mood for you right now, my boyfriend just got into a wreck and I want to be with him. Is that okay with you? Probably not.” 

 

Hwanhee’s surprised when Wooshin doesn’t hang up on him. “Wooshin-I’m sorry. I still love you and-“ 

 

“Don’t. You lost your chances a long time ago.” 

 

Wooshin finally hangs up, lowering his head and turning the car off. He closes his eyes as his body shakes with emotion. Tears stream down his cheeks as he tries not to think about Hwanhee. He can’t think about it right now. He needs to focus on Kuhn. Kogyeol pulls into the spot next to Wooshin, waving to him. He gets out and goes around to Wooshin’s window, trying to open the door when he sees him crying. Wooshin unlocks the car and gets out, falling into Kogyeol’s chest. He sniffles and apologizes, telling him it isn’t about Kuhn. Kogyeol doesn’t try to dig too deep, hoping it doesn’t have to do with Hwanhee. 

 

They walk to the ER, towards Kuhn’s room. The nurse doesn’t let them in until they are done fixing him up. Wooshin patiently waits outside the door for another few moments, talking to a nurse behind the desk. Kogyeol plays with a pen that he found on the ground. Their heads pop up when he hear Kuhn laughing. Wooshin curiously walks to the door and looks in. Kuhn puts a colorful bandaid over a cut on his eyebrow, followed by a sticker. He smiles and waves as Wooshin walks in with a brow raised. 

 

“I rest my case that you’re a dumbass.” Wooshin laughs out. 

 

“It’s not fault. They have me permission to be be one this time.” Kuhn smiles, handing Wooshin a sticker. 

 

“Yo, you really crashed because you dropped your phone?” Kogyeol moves around Wooshin. “Yeah, that’s pretty stupid.” 

 

“Shut up, dickhead.” He kicks at Kogyeol. “Um, Wooshin, still want me to come over?” 

 

“How about I pick you up? How’s 5pm?” 

 

“Perfect, I’ll be at the hospital.” 

 

“God! You’re such a dumbass!” Wooshin laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kuhn flinches back when Wooshin kisses his cut lips. He frowns and pouts, pushing his head into Wooshin’s shoulder. Wooshin giggles as Kuhn struggles, brushing his hair from his face to see him better. Their eyes meet and Kuhn smiles, carefully kissing Wooshin’s collarbone. 

 

Wooshin leaves for the night, making Kuhn pout on the couch for a good half hour. Kogyeol makes gagging noises as he walks past. He sits down heavily next to Kuhn, offering him a bite of his candy bar. 

 

“What do you work tomorrow?” Kogyeol asks, mouth full. 

 

“I got fired last week.” Kuhn replies with a shrug. 

 

“Oh, I guess that’s a good answer.” He laughs. “Want to go to the PC cafe with me?” 

 

“Sure, I don’t have any plans. Wooshin has to meet with his managers.” 

 

Kuhn wakes up the next day feeling extra groggy. He almost forgot that he and Kogyeol finished off all the liquor in the house. His hand reaches blindly for his phone, disappointed when he doesn’t have any texts or calls. He calls Wooshin but doesn’t get an answer. He must already be in his meeting. Kuhn groans when Kogyeol walks in, throwing his body onto the bed. He pulls his pillow over his head but Kogyeol gets on top of him and pretends to suffocate him. 

 

He kicks Kogyeol in the crotch making him groan and pull away. 

 

“Sorry not sorry.” Kuhn smirks. 

 

“When is Wooshin’s meeting or whatever?” Kogyeol asks, clearing his throat. 

 

“I guess now since he didn’t answer his phone.” 

 

“Well, when he’s done, invite him to game with us. He can pay for our broke asses.” 

 

“Just because he’s an artist doesn’t mean he has money. You forget he’s also a college student.” 

 

Kogyeol groans loudly and falls dramatically to the side. “Fine! I’ll pay, I guess.” 

 

“Bitch, it was your idea anyway. Hell yeah you’re paying.” 

 

Kuhn kicks Kogyeol out so he can get dressed for the day. He makes his way to his dresser, careful not to break the already broken drawer. His clothes fall to the floor as he pulls a shirt out from the bottom of the stack. He quickly gets dressed and stumbles out to the kitchen, not surprised he still feels drunk. Kogyeol is curled on the couch, slightly regretting last night. 

 

Wooshin stares at his manager. His mouth hangs open slightly. 

 

“Collaboration?” Wooshin questions. 

 

“You don’t have to say yes.” Hwanhee sits back in his chair. “I won’t be upset.” 

 

“I refuse to work with him and if you make me, I will break my contract.” 

 

Wooshin stands up and storms out of the meeting hall. He shakes his head as he makes his way to the studio. The door opens behind him but he doesn’t look back as he grabs his jacket and keys. He feels a hand grab his shoulder and pull him back, closing his eyes as he falls to the floor. There is pressure on his chest as Hwanhee lays his knee across it. Wooshin doesn’t fight back as Hwanhee wraps his hand around his throat. 

 

His head gets tight as he is unable to breathe. After a minute, his body falls limp and Hwanhee stands up. Hwanhee notices a necklace around Wooshin’s neck, pulling it off and examining it. It’s a pendant that Kuhn gave him. He laughs to himself before putting it in his pocket and leaving. Wooshin regains consciousness and sits himself up against the couch. He breathes hard, staring at the wall until he can stand up. He grabs his things and slowly heads out to his car. 

 

He walks into his apartment, throwing his things to the ground and walking in. His feet take him to his liquor cabinet and he takes out an almost full bottle of vodka. He slowly walks to his bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. 

 

Kuhn sighs, putting his phone in his pocket and sitting at a computer. 

 

“Did he not answer again?” Kogyeol asks, starting to get concerned. 

 

Kuhn shakes his head, feeling uneasy. “I’m not sure I want to game. I kinda want to check on him.” 

 

Kogyeol nods, agreeing. He doesn’t care about wasting the money for the cafe. He wants to make sure his friend is okay. The two hesitate to leave the parking lot, wondering if they are just overreacting. Kuhn tries to call Wooshin one more time, not getting an answer. His hands shake as the phone rings. 

 

“Kuhn? Where’s Wooshin?” Hwanhee sounds mad but frantic. 

 

“I don’t know. I was just about to go to his house.” Kuhn replies. 

 

“He isn’t there. A lot of his medication and his pocket knife is missing.” 

 

Kogyeol looks up from his phone as Kuhn curses loudly. He jumps back when Kuhn slams his hands against the steering wheel. Kuhn hangs the phone up and drives towards Wooshin’s place. Kogyeol holds onto the safety bar as Kuhn speeds across town. The two jump out of the car without turning it off. Kuhn pounds on Wooshin’s door, jumping back when Hwanhee opens it. Hwanhee stares and growls out, running back inside. Kuhn and Kogyeol go in, stopping when they see the whole place torn apart. 

 

“When did you hear from him last?” Hwanhee asks. 

 

“Last night. You?” Kuhn replies back frantically.

 

“I saw him at the meeting, but he left in a hurry.”  

 

Wooshin sits on a rock at the edge of the river. His arms shake as he holds them up in front of him. Blood drips from his wrists down to his elbows. He lets out a choked cry as he grabs the vodka from the ground. A bottle of his medication lays in his lap. He places the vodka in between his knees and unscrews the pill bottle. About twenty five pills dump into his palm as he wraps his fingers over them. He coughs before throwing them all into his mouth and washing them down with the vodka. His body forces him to gag loudly, making him double over. He falls on all fours and watches the blood drip onto the rocks and sand underneath him. His body shakes as he starts to lose strength. 

 

He collapses to the side, feeling his arm rest in the water. The current washes the blood down the river. His eyes close and his breathing becomes labored. There are voices in the distance but he’s unable to move in case the people find him. He begins to hallucinate, unsure what’s reality and what isn’t. The tide rises slightly, covering his leg completely and just touching his torso. 

 

A hand pulls him out of the water as he completely loses all senses. It feels like slow motion as Kuhn yells out to Kogyeol. He drags Wooshin away from the water. His heart breaks when he sees the cuts. He checks to see how deep they are before yelling for Kogyeol again. Kogyeol runs over, out of breath. He panics and covers his mouth as he sees Wooshin. 

 

“Call a fucking ambulance!” Kuhn screams out, holding Wooshin’s head. 

 

He cries out, staring at Wooshin’s pale face. His hands shake as he checks his pulse. Kogyeol runs to the tree line and falls to his knees, throwing up. He calls the ambulance, praying that they won’t take too long to get there. Kuhn attempts to wake Wooshin up. He rocks him from side to side, hoping this isn’t the end for Wooshin. Kuhn looks at the ground and sees the empty pill bottle along with the vodka. It feels like someone punched him in the chest.

 

Wooshin’s body seizes violently and Kuhn panics. He props him on his side as his body forces him to throw the pills up. Kuhn holds his breath as he waits for the seizure to pass. There are sirens in the distance, making Kuhn burst into tears again. Kogyeol runs to the road to flag the ambulance down. 

 

The EMT’s follow Kogyeol back down to the river bank. Kuhn hyperventilates as Kogyeol pulls him away from Wooshin. They watch as the EMT’s quickly carry him back to the ambulance. Neither of them feel like they can drive at first. Kogyeol forces Kuhn into the passenger's seat. He finds the strength to turn the car on. After about 15 minutes he is able to drive. 

 

Kuhn can’t sit as they wait in the waiting room. He finds himself holding his breath every few minutes. The front doors slide open and the two look up instinctively. Kuhn’s eye twitches as he see who it is. Hwanhee runs over to them, panicked. 

 

“What happened? What did he do?” Hwanhee questions frantically. 

 

“I want you to get the fuck out of Wooshin’s life! Do you hear me? He’s tried to kill himself twice because of you!” Kuhn screams while getting in his face. “You say you love him still but where the fuck is the love coming from? Huh?”

 

Hwanhee takes a deep breath before punching Kuhn in the face. Kuhn stumbles back and widens his eyes. He grabs Hwanhee by the throat and pulls him forward, digging his nails into his skin. Kogyeol and a guard pull the two apart. The guard walks Hwanhee to the other side of the waiting room. Kogyeol wraps his arm around Kuhn, who is still seething. Hwanhee rips away from the guard and storms out of the hospital. He stops when he sees people trying to sneak pictures of him. His body shakes with anger as he grabs a person’s camera and slams it to the ground. 

 

“Why don’t you get lives and stop trying to find the next best story for your shit blogs? No one is going to tell you anything.” Hwanhee yells out before he sees Wooshin’s manager rush past him. He growls, storming away from everyone. 

 

Kogyeol greets Wooshin’s manager and tells him what happened. Kuhn whines out as he begins to get impatient. The manager tries to calm Kuhn but it doesn’t work. He apologizes as he feels tears form in his eyes. 

 

After another two hours, they are able to see him. Kuhn rushes in and over to the bed. Wooshin lays, still unconscious and hooked to a monitor. His wrists are bandaged tightly. They close the door hard as someone takes a picture. The manager thinks for a second before walking out. He threatens to sue the person if they don’t delete the picture in front of him. They do so angrily, walking away. 

 

Kuhn kisses the top of Wooshin’s head, resting his hand on his chest. He frowns when he doesn’t feel the necklace he gave him under his gown. Wooshin begins to wake up, his body sick and in pain. He jumps when he sees Kuhn and Kogyeol leaning over him. Kuhn, as happily as he can, hugs Wooshin. Wooshin weakly brings his arms around Kuhn’s body, attempting to hold him tight. Kogyeol leans down and hugs the other side of his body. The manager walks back in and sighs in relief. Wooshin greets him as he stands in the corner. The three pull away and Wooshin puts his hand to his chest. His eyes widen and he gasps. 

 

“My necklace is gone.” He panics, sitting up too quickly, making him dizzy. “No, I can’t lose it.”

 

“It’s okay, baby. I can get you another one.” Kuhn calms him down by rubbing his arm. 

 

“I’m sorry, Kuhn. I’m sorry I’m so weak. I’m sorry you have to keep seeing me like this. I’m sorry you have to deal with my bullshit.”

 

“Hey, Wooshin?” He sees Wooshin’s head pop up. “I love you.” 

 

Wooshin puts his head back down to hide his smile. Kuhn grabs his hand and kisses it. For the next few hours, they wait for different tests to come back. Wooshin gets two IV’s with a pain killer in them. This makes him extremely tired and speak nonsense. Kogyeol lays across a small chair, trying not to fall asleep. Kuhn watches Wooshin’s chest rise and fall slowly. His head starts to drop forward as he gets sleepy. 

 

Kuhn and Kogyeol jump awake as they hear the heart monitor go off. They jump up and look at each other, slightly panicked. Wooshin gasps awake and frantically looks up to the two. He catches his breath before calming down. 

 

“I could hear my monitor going off. Everything went black. It was so scary.” Wooshin puts his hand to his head and sighs.

 

“You’re okay, baby. We wouldn’t let anything bad happen.” Kuhn reassures him, rubbing his arm. 

 

Wooshin catches his breath and falls backwards dramatically. “I want to go home.” 

 

“You just have to wait for the blood tests and then you can see if they’ll let you go.”

 

“Huh?” Wooshin’s eyes widen. “Why wouldn’t they let me go?” 

 

“Well, I mean you are a risk to yourself. They might make you stay in the psych ward.” 

 

Wooshin begins to panic. He sits up and starts to pull off the equipment. Kuhn and Kogyeol jump up and grab his arms to make him stop. He shakes as Kuhn pulls him into a hug. Everyone turns to door as a nurse walks in. She tells Wooshin he’s ready to go and begins to unhook him from his IV and the heart monitor. Her brow raises as she sees some taken off already but shrugs. 

 

Wooshin relaxes his shoulders when Kuhn hands him his normal clothes. His body shakes as he gets dressed in front of the two. Kuhn tries to hide his awkwardness as he looks at Kogyeol. He scrunches his face and covers Kogyeol’s eyes. Kogyeol smacks his arm down and shakes his head. 

 

“I saw him naked first dude.” Kogyeol rolls his eyes. 

 

“First? I’ve never seen him naked.” Kuhn replies.

 

“Boys, no fighting.” Wooshin turns around as he buttons his pants. “Kuhn, are you jealous that he’s seen my dick?” 

 

“Um-when you say it like that, yeah.” 

 

They three ride back to Wooshin’s apartment. Kogyeol stops the two from getting out, looking around for any sign of Hwanhee. Wooshin asks him to check inside the apartment just in case. He gets out and heads to the door, unlocking it with his key. Kuhn leans against the car, arm wrapped around Wooshin’s waist. Kogyeol pokes his head out of the front door and gives them a thumbs up. 

 

Wooshin groans as he straightens himself, feeling the pain meds wear off. His wrists throb but when he tries to grab for them, Kuhn pulls his hand away. He lays on his couch, head resting in Kuhn’s lap. Kogyeol takes a nap in Wooshin’s room so he can get some sleep before work in the morning. He lays on his back and stares ceiling until he finally falls asleep about an hour later. Wooshin picks at the tape on his bandages, making them lose their adhesive. Kuhn smacks his arm to get him to stop but he doesn’t. He sits up, forcing Wooshin to do the same. 

 

“See, you keep picking at the tape and now it won’t stick.” Kuhn says, trying not to sound like a disappointed mother. 

 

“I’ll take them off when you leave, anyway.” Wooshin sighs, keeping his head low. 

 

“I’m not leaving for a while so try to keep them on. We don’t want anything to get infected.”

 

“You need to go home and sleep so you don’t fail your English class.” Wooshin turns away to hide his smirk. 

 

“Hey, I have a D in there. I’m not failing. Plus you need to sleep for classes too.” 

 

Wooshin sighs and stands up, walking to his kitchen. “I’m not going back.” 

 

Kuhn goes over to him as he opens a cabinet and pulls out a small vodka bottle. “How many fucking bottles of vodka do you have?” He takes it from him and holds it behind his back. “What do you mean you’re not going back.” 

 

“I think I should just focus on myself for a while. Away from music and away from college.” 

 

Wooshin shakes his head before making his way back to the couch. Kuhn looks at the bottle in his hand and sets it on the counter. He sees Wooshin look up at it and struggle to not grab for it. Their eyes meet as Wooshin turns towards him. His body shakes as he tries not to get too emotional. Wooshin flinches as there is a sharp pain in his stomach, forcing him to double over. He lets out a cry as he slides to the floor. Kuhn rushes to him, trying to pull him back to the couch. Tears fall down Wooshin’s face as he gasps. The tape comes off the bandages as he falls. He rips the gauze off causing the cuts to bleed again. Kuhn tries not to panic as he leads him to the bathroom, trying not to drip any blood on the carpet. 

 

“Shit. I didn’t think that would happen. That really fucking hurt.” Wooshin takes a deep breath. 

 

Kuhn runs Wooshin’s wrists under the water as he looks for something to cover them. Wooshin tries to point to the closet with his head. Kuhn opens it and finds a pack of square gauze, feeling sad about the fact that Wooshin owns them. He takes two out and grabs the medical tape that was beside it. Wooshin holds his breath as Kuhn holds his wrists in front of him. He stares at Kuhn’s chest as he waits for him to bandage him. His eyes water when he look to see Kuhn crying. Kuhn holds his arms tightly. Wooshin makes a slight pained noise and he lets go, apologizing. He wraps the gauze over his wrists and walks out without a word. 

 

Kuhn falls asleep on the floor in the living room. Wooshin went to his room after Kogyeol left for work. At around 8am, Kuhn wakes up in pain from the floor. He sleepily walks to the bedroom and sees Wooshin sleeping peacefully. Kuhn slowly crawls beside him, careful not to wake him up. He fails of course but Wooshin just pulls the covers over him and gets closer. Kuhn wraps his arm tightly around Wooshin’s waist before he falls asleep. 

 

The next morning, Wooshin opens his eyes to see Kuhn smiling at him. He leans forward and kisses his forehead, pulling Wooshin on top of his chest. Wooshin breathes deeply as he nuzzles Kuhn’s neck, before sliding off. 

 

“I can’t wait for you to be happy again.” Kuhn sighs, hugging Wooshin’s waist tightly.

 

“I want to be happy, I really do. You make me happy. But-I don’t know how to explain it.” Wooshin stops. “I have so many things wrong with me and I don’t want to be a burden on you. You shouldn’t have to deal with my disorders and my problems.” 

 

Kuhn sits up. “Hey, I love you and I want to help you. Even if it means, dealing with your problems.”

 

“Kuhn. I love you but I’m really bad right now and I’m afraid to lose you.” His lip twitches as he begins to tear up. 

 

“You aren’t going to lose me. But I understand, I’m terrified of losing you, too. And I never want to see you like that again.” 

 

A tear rolls down Wooshin’s cheek as he hides his face in his covers. Kuhn pulls the blanket above both of their heads. With his other arm, he pulls Wooshin close. They close their eyes when Kuhn places his head against Wooshin’s. He kisses the top of his nose before wiping the tear from his face. Wooshin looks up and kisses Kuhn, pushing into him deeply. Kuhn takes a sharp breath as he does the same. 

 

Wooshin grabs Kuhn’s hipbone and digs his nails into it. Kuhn quickly gets on top of Wooshin without pulling away. He bites his bottom lip while grinding against him. Wooshin looks to the side and sighs. 

 

“I’m not ready to do this shit with you.” He growls. “Ugh, I’m so tired of cockblocking you but-“ 

 

“Hey, cockblock me all you want. My dick can wait.” Kuhn smiles.

 

The two laugh and Wooshin smacks Kuhn’s arm. Kuhn falls dramatically to the side. He places his head against Wooshin’s chest and sighs. 

 

Kuhn walks into the office building a few block from his house. He stares at the different offices on each floor, slightly confused. His phone goes off so he quickly answers. 

 

“You’re lost aren’t you?” Kogyeol chuckles. 

 

“Um, which floor?” Kuhn replies, looking around awkwardly. 

 

“4th. Then take a right and go straight back. You’ll see me.” 

 

Kuhn thanks him and begins his journey to the fourth floor. When the doors open, he sees a bunch of little cubicles across the whole floor. He turns to his right and sees an office at the end of the room. Kogyeol looks up as Kuhn approaches the open door. He smiles and greets him. 

 

“Good, you follow directions well!” Kogyeol teases him. “Okay, now don’t expect that this job will be easy because you’re my friend. Our goal is to make our clients happy. Do you think you can do it?”

 

“I’m sure I can. What company do we advertise for?” Kuhn shrugs, taking a candy from Kogyeol’s desk. 

 

“UP10 mainly. Sometimes we get other smaller clients.” 

 

“Isn’t that Wooshin’s company?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s a small world, my friend. But unfortunately, it’s Hwanhee’s company as well. And his manager just contacted us this morning for us to design the PR for his tour.” 

 

Kuhn thinks for a minute before smiling. “I can do that, easily.” 

 

“No sabotaging, please. This is actually serious work.” 

 

Kuhn stands up and salutes Kogyeol, who drops his head to his desk. He looks up as Kuhn takes his phone from his pocket and sits back down. Kogyeol watches as he focuses on the message he received. He looks confused as he tries to decipher what Wooshin said to him. 

 

He hands the phone to Kogyeol to see if he can understand the text. 

 

**_Babe. Have you seen the movie where these guys all fight each other in weird ways? Like not really fighting, friend fighting Idk it’s like really colorful and so much is happening and I feel like they even go into other dimensions??_ **

 

“Why does that sound familiar?” Kogyeol laughs, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Ah!” Kuhn snaps his fingers. “It’s um- oh I can’t remember.” 

 

“It almost sounds like a music video.” 

 

Kuhn looks down as he gets another text. 

 

**_Nvm it was my own MV. I’m going back to sleep._ **

 

The try to keep themselves from laughing. Kuhn smiles and shakes his head, finding that cute. Kogyeol sits back in his chair and decides to check his phone. He dismisses the missed call from Hwanhee before opening his messages. Kuhn takes another candy before laying across the chair. Kogyeol watches him start a game on his phone. 

 

“I have to go to a meeting. You can go home if you want. I’ll let you do your paperwork and shit there.” Kogyeol clears his throat and smiles. 

 

Kuhn throws his body forward off the chair and straightens himself. “Oh right. Sorry, see you later.” 

 

Kogyeol’s eyes follow Kuhn as he makes his way to the elevator. He looks down and notices he is clutching the phone to his chest. The messages are still open. He reads his texts carefully. 

 

**_Hwanhee came after Kuhn left._ **

**_He’s not happy with me_ **

**_He took my medicine and my alcohol. Even my heart meds_ **

**_I’m not sure what I’ll do without them._ **

**_I need you right now…_ **

 

Kogyeol feels his chest tighten as he stands up, grabbing his keys and rushing to the elevator. He jumps impatiently, waiting for the doors to open. His body freezes as he reaches the lobby. Wooshin is talking to Kuhn, visibly distressed. Kogyeol stays back as Wooshin places a hand on Kuhn’s shoulder and walks away. Wooshin stops when he sees Kogyeol quickly turn the corner.

 

“Wooshin, are you sure you’re okay?” Kuhn asks, a little concerned. 

 

“Yeah, I just have a meeting with the PR team. I’m going to be late.” Wooshin continues to stare at the space where Kogyeol stood. “I’ll see you later, babe.” 

 

He walks away, not looking back to Kuhn. His heart pounds as he rushes around the corner. He’s caught off guard when Kogyeol grabs him by the arm. Wooshin whines out before wrapping his arms around him. Kogyeol hugs back, concerned about his sudden affection. He pulls away as Wooshin begins to shake, walking him into an empty office. 

 

“I’m so scared, Kogyeol. Do I tell Kuhn? He’ll kill Hwanhee if I do.” Wooshin begins to hyperventilate. “He took my fucking heart pills!” 

 

“Shh, it’s okay. Can’t you just call your doctor and get a new prescription?” Kogyeol tries to calm him down. 

 

“He went on vacation and gave me what I needed while he’s gone. Hwanhee took it all.” He takes a few sharp breaths. “I can’t quit drinking cold turkey. It’ll fucking kill me.” 

 

Wooshin attaches himself to Kogyeol again, crying into his chest. Kogyeol doesn’t know what to say, afraid as well. He offers to meet with Hwanhee to see if he can get them back. Wooshin refuses the idea immediately, not wanting him to get hurt. Kogyeol holds Wooshin tightly and rocks him from side to side. He kisses the top of his head. Wooshin pulls off and looks up at him. 

 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to-” Kogyeol tries to speak but is cut off by Wooshin suddenly kissing him. 

 

“No, I’m sorry.” Wooshin’s lip twitches. “I want to feel something tonight.” 

 

“Wooshin, I can’t do that to Kuhn. Why can’t you do something with him?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve tried multiple times and it doesn’t feel right. Please, just this once and I swear I’ll never ask again.”

 

Kogyeol stares deep into Wooshin’s eyes, wiping a tear from his cheek. “Okay fine.” He replies quietly. “Just this once.”

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Wooshin walks into his apartment with Kogyeol coming in behind him. Kogyeol goes over to the counter to set his keys down, seeing Wooshin’s ID cut in half. He looks over to the living room, seeing shattered glass across the coffee table. Wooshin sighs, apologizing that he didn’t clean it up. His body shakes as he starts to walk into the living room, leaning down in front of the table. Kogyeol stops him as he starts to pick the glass up with his hands. 

“Did you get to take today’s pill at least?” Kogyeol asks, feeling awkward. 

Wooshin nods his head,standing back up. “Yeah, the first one. Thankfully, I was taking it when he came.” 

“Can I ask why you never told Kuhn about your heart? That’s kinda something important to tell someone you love.” 

“He likes to overreact. As much as I love him, he’d probably think I am dying.” 

Kogyeol stares at him for a few seconds. “I mean, do you blame him? He’s seen you dying multiple times already. He has every right to feel that way.”

“I just-I hate to worry him. At this rate, his heart will go bad. Can we please not talk about Kuhn right now?”

Wooshin puts his head down and takes a deep breath. He slowly makes his way to his room. Kogyeol follows him in concern, surprised when Wooshin falls into his chest. He yells out in frustration, pulling away to apologize. Kogyeol gives a half smile before getting something out from his pocket. Wooshin watches his hands closely as he pulls out a small pill. He smirks when Kogyeol breaks it in half, placing one half on his tongue. Kogyeol slowly pushes Wooshin backwards onto the bed placing the second half into Wooshin’s mouth. 

He kisses him, making Wooshin fall back into his pillows. Wooshin closes his eyes and brings his head back into the bedding. His mind goes blank as Kogyeol bites at his neck. He reaches down and pulls at Kogyeol’s thigh. Kogyeol quickly unbuttons his jeans while Wooshin does the same. Wooshin pulls Kogyeol closer to him, biting his lip. He moans as he grinds down against him. Kogyeol gets up on his knees and props himself against Wooshin. 

Wooshin’s head begins to heavy as the pill sets in. He stares at the ceiling and smiles. Kogyeol pushes into him making them both twitch. A rush of electricity flows through Wooshin’s body as he closes his eyes. He focuses on the feeling. Kogyeol grabs onto his waist as he continues. He tries to focus but as the pill sets in he starts to get messy. His breaths are loud as he begins to pick up speed. Wooshin claws at the bed as he gasps out in pleasure. He covers his face with a pillow as Kogyeol pulls away suddenly. Kogyeol collapses on top of Wooshin, twitching. Wooshin bites the fabric hard, surprised when Kogyeol starts up again. This time he only lasts a few minutes before collapsing again. 

They both stare at the wall, feeling a mixture of pleasure and numbness. Kogyeol zips his pants back up and crawls beside Wooshin. He pulls the covers over top of them, quickly falling asleep. Wooshin smiles as he slowly begins to nod off. 

The two wake up feeling groggy and stiff. Kogyeol has his arm around Wooshin’s waist. Wooshin jumps up as he sees something in the doorway. Kuhn stares at him with tears in his eyes forcing a smile. In his hand is a new necklace to replace the old one. His lip twitches as he blinks hard, taking a few hard breaths. 

“Great fucking meeting, guys.” Kuhn growls, throwing the necklace at them and walking out. 

Wooshin jumps up from the bed and runs out to the living room. Kuhn is leaning over the couch, crying and pulling at his hair. Kogyeol stays back as Wooshin tries to approach Kuhn. He places his hand on his shoulder. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Kuhn yells out, shoving Wooshin in the chest. 

Kogyeol jumps over to Wooshin as he stumbles backwards into the wall. Wooshin groans as he tries not to show he is hurt. He takes a few hard breaths, jumping as he feels a pain surge over his heart. Kogyeol holds him by the arm, leaning over him. 

“Oh shit. Wooshin, did he hit your heart?” Kogyeol asks, slightly panicked. 

All Wooshin can do is nod before being able to finally straighten himself. Kuhn stares at him confused. He steps towards him, his head cocked to the side. 

“What’s wrong with your heart?” He questions, concerned but still angry. 

“Nothing-I just-I have a condition.” Wooshin stumbles on his words before throwing his hand up in frustration with himself. “I was born with it.” 

“Wow, what a day! You slept with my best friend and you’re just now telling me about some heart condition. You’re so great.” He rolls his eyes. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

A lump forms in Wooshin’s throat as he falls to his knees. “I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you be be concerned. Hwanhee took my medicine and I didn’t want you to kill him. I got scared and I got weak. All of this was a mistake.”

Kuhn doesn’t say anything, turning around and leaving. The two jump as he slams the door shut behind him. Wooshin curses loudly, punching a hole into his wall. He yells as he starts to hit himself in the leg over and over. Kogyeol drops down to him, pulling his arms away. Wooshin cries hard into his shoulder, feeling another pain in chest. He gasps out before crying harder. Kogyeol attempts to calm him down but fails. He pulls him close and starts to rock him side to side.

Hwanhee sits in the studio, playing on his phone and waiting for his producer to show up. He jumps when the door is thrown open. His eyes widen when he sees Kuhn charging towards him. Kuhn grabs him by the hair and rips him from the chair. Hwanhee falls to the ground, throwing his hands up to block any blows. Kuhn yells out as he kicks and punches him wildly. He drags Hwanhee backwards by the collar, choking him slightly. His eyes blur from tears but he doesn’t stop attacking him. 

Hwanhee chokes as he spits out blood. He whines out as he attempts to fight back. Kuhn grunts when Hwanhee punches him in the jaw. He wraps his hand around his throat and straddles him. 

“Give Wooshin his fucking meds back!” Kuhn demands, pushing harder against Hwanhee’s neck when he sees Wooshin’s necklace around it. 

“I don’t have them here.” Hwanhee digs his nails into Kuhn’s wrist. “Jesus.” 

Kuhn reaches into Hwanhee’s pocket and pulls his wallet out. He looks at his address before throwing the wallet across the room. “Get fucked.” 

He punches him once more in the mouth before letting go. Hwanhee gasps for air and coughs, holding his throat in shock. Kuhn stands up and walks out. He gets into his car just as he sees Wooshin pull into the lot. Wooshin spots him and quickly turns around to follow his car. Kuhn is too blind with rage to notice Wooshin driving behind him. His hand shakes as he looks down at the blood on it. He smirks slightly, speeding down towards the street Hwanhee lives on. 

Wooshin gets nervous as he starts to recognize where he is going. He tries to catch up to Kuhn but fails, taking a detour towards the house instead. His heart races as he pulls beside the house, seeing he made it first. He runs up the yard and unlocks the door with the spare key in the mailbox. Kuhn pulls into the driveway as he looks out the window. He looks around frantically for his medicine before Kuhn reaches the door. 

He gasps loudly as there is a loud crash from the front window. Kuhn brushes the glass from his elbow, using his jacket to clear the rest away. Wooshin runs to the bedroom and sees the pills on the dresser. He grabs them, making his way back towards the living room, stopping when he sees Kuhn. He stands there, glaring over at him. His eyes travel down to his bloody knuckles. 

“Kuhn, it’s okay I have my medicine. You don’t have to do anything else.” Wooshin says, putting his hands up in caution as he slowly walks over. Kuhn stares at him for a second before punching him in the face. Wooshin grabs his cheek but nods. “Okay- That’s okay. I deserve that- and much more. But-”

“Just leave so you don’t get in any trouble.” Kuhn replies, walking past him. 

Wooshin turns around as Kuhn throws a lamp onto the ground. He walks over to a vase and picks it up. “Actually, I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time.” His hand shakes as he throws it hard against the wall. 

Kogyeol runs up the stairs of the UP10 building. He sees Hwanhee walking down the hall with his head down. Hwanhee curses when Kogyeol grabs him and pulls him to the side. The two stare at each other. 

“Are you okay?” Kogyeol asks, looking at all the blood on his nose and lips. 

“Does it look like I’m okay? You’re boy-toy’s psycho boyfriend attacked me.” Hwanhee growls at him. He starts to walk away but Kogyeol follows him. 

“I guess karma really is a bitch.” Kogyeol laughs quietly to himself. 

He freezes when Hwanhee turns around and grabs his arm. “Shut the fuck up.” His grip tightens and Kogyeol whines out in pain. “I’ll kill Kuhn if he comes at me again.” 

Kogyeol pulls away, holding his arm. “Sorr-“

“He’s going to my house. If one thing is out of place, I’ll shoot him in the fucking head.” 

“Don’t say that. You wouldn’t do it.” 

“Don’t test me, Kogyeol.” 

Hwanhee storms down and out of the building, to his car. Kogyeol runs to the passengers side, halfway getting in. Hwanhee smack his chest hard to try to get him to back off. When he doesn’t, he reaches over into the glove box and pulls out a small handgun. 

“I’m not fucking joking. I’ll kill you, too if you don’t back off.” He places it to Kogyeol’s side. 

Kogyeol freezes, putting his hands up, afraid to make any other moves. Hwanhee pushes the metal deeper into his ribs and screams for him to get out. He stumbles backwards out of the car and Hwanhee reaches over to close the door. His hands shake as he runs as fast as he can to his own car, getting his phone from the console. He shakes his leg anxiously as he calls for Kuhn. Hwanhee speeds off and Kogyeol begins to cry with fear. 

Kuhn growls as he rips a hole in Hwanhee’s leather couch. He gets his phone out and answers. “The fuck do you want?” 

“Please, get out of there. Hwanhee has a gun and he’s on his way home.” Kogyeol’s voice shakes as he attempts to drive through his tears. “He’s gone psycho.”

“Then he can fucking shoot me. Big deal.” 

“Kuhn, plea-“

Wooshin turns around as Kuhn hangs up the phone. He pockets a gold watch before slowly walking over. Kuhn stands still, staring blankly. Wooshin pulls him into his chest, making him fall into it. His entire body shakes but he refuses to breakdown. He pulls away slightly, placing his hand on Wooshin’s cheek. Wooshin closes his eyes as Kuhn kisses him. They push deeply into each other and Wooshin begins to sob. Kuhn grabs him by the arms and leads him backwards towards the front door. He opens it and pushes him out, locking the door in his face. 

“Hey wait, don’t do that! This is bullshit, Kuhn. Please, let’s just leave!” Wooshin yells through the door, hoping Kuhn can hear him. 

“Go home, Wooshin!” Kuhn yells back. 

Wooshin backs away slowly, unsure of what to do. He panics when he hears a car coming up the road, running back down to his. Hwanhee pulls into the driveway just before Wooshin can get in his car. He curses as Hwanhee jumps out of the car and starts walking to his door. Wooshin catches him before he reaches it. Hwanhee turns around and points the gun to his chest. His eyes widen and he starts to put his hands up in defense. He quickly grabs the barrel of the gun and pushes it down. Hwanhee pushes Wooshin hard in the chest to get him to back off. He holds his breath and pretends it doesn’t hurt, attempting to tackle Hwanhee. 

Kuhn can hear the fight happening outside but he does nothing about it. He continues to destroy little things around the house, hearing Hwanhee screaming. His eye twitches as he pulls a drawer from the dresser. There is a loud gunshot and he gasps, stopping in his tracks. Everything goes silent for a moment. He only hears the ringing in his ears. There’s a familiar voice that starts to scream for help. Kuhn can recognize it as Kogyeol’s. His body numbs when he hears Wooshin’s name being yelled through cries. He runs out of the bedroom and out to the yard in an instant. 

Kogyeol is on the ground, holding his side and shaking. Blood is slowly pooling on his shirt and out of his mouth. Wooshin takes his jacket off and holds it over the wound. Kuhn looks around for Hwanhee, who is standing beside the porch on the grass. He turns to face him. Hwanhee charges him, pulling the gun up to his head. Kuhn does nothing. He stares as Hwanhee places the gun to his temple. 

“I don’t care anymore.” Kuhn whispers. 

Wooshin shakes as he cries loudly into Kogyeol’s shirt. Kogyeol breathes hard, placing his hand over Wooshin’s. 

“I’m okay. I’ll be okay.” Kogyeol tries to reassure him. “It doesn’t even hurt that badly.” 

There are multiple sirens in the distance as they make their way towards the house. No one pays attention to them. Two police cars arrives first, a cop from each car rushing out. Wooshin turns to look at Kuhn and Hwanhee. As one cop pulls his gun out and aims it, Hwanhee lowers his gun to Kuhn’s shoulder and pulls the trigger. Kuhn flies backwards, hitting the ground hard. Wooshin screams out and attempts to run to him. Kogyeol grabs his wrist and pulls him back down. He pushes him against his chest, and covers his head. Another shot rings through the air, as Hwanhee grazes Kuhn’s cheek. The two close their eyes as the two officers rush to Hwanhee, disarming him and pinning him to the ground. He doesn’t fight back, staring at Kuhn as he drains of color. 

Wooshin breaks free from Kogyeol’s grip, flying over to Kuhn. He panics, placing his hand over the wound to keep it from bleeding. Kuhn growls in pain, trying to instinctively pull away. One ambulance arrives and the EMT’s rush to Kogyeol. After the police officers throw Hwanhee into the back of the cruiser, one rushes over to Wooshin and Kuhn. She tells the boys to remain calm until help reaches them. Kuhn stares at the ceiling of the porch, twitching from surges of pain. Wooshin ignores his own chest pains, only focusing on Kuhn. He apologizes over and over before Kuhn tells him to stop. 

“I know you’re literally helping me not bleed out, right now. But god damn it I fucking hate you so much.” Kuhn says, holding onto Wooshin’s wrist. 

“I know. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me.” Wooshin puts his head down. 

“Unless Kogyeol decides to fire me after all this. I’ll be your tour advisor. So I have to deal with you a little bit.”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry.” He sniffles. “I’m horrible to work with.” 

Kuhn forces a laugh, groaning as two EMT’s approach them. Wooshin scoots away, leaning against the wall. He looks down at the blood on his hands and clothing, feeling his stomach twist. A shock in his chest forces him to fall to his side. The officer leans down to him and asks if he’s okay. He pleads for her to get the medicine he dropped in the yard. She nods and starts to walk towards where he pointed. Kuhn closes his eyes as he is carried to the ambulance. Wooshin looks up as both ambulances speed off towards the hospital. His vision blurs and his hands shake as he starts to feel the withdrawals from alcohol as well. The woman rushes back to him with the meds in hand. She helps him get a pill out, handing him a bottle of water she got from her cruiser. 

He takes the medicine, but still feels extremely dizzy. Everything goes black as his head hits the concrete. 

Wooshin wakes up panicked in a hospital bed. He has patches attached to his chest and an oxygen mask over his face. His legs shake as he forces himself up after taking the mask off. He pulls all the patches away and grabs ahold of the IV stand. A nurse looks up as he slowly walks out. 

“Do you need something, sir?” She asks politely. 

“Do you know where No Sooil is? Or Go Min Soo?” Wooshin asks approaching the desk. 

The nurse nods and types into the computer. “No Sooil is downstairs in room 1195 and Go Min Soo is in 519.” 

Wooshin thanks her quietly as he walks towards the elevator. He thinks about who he should go to first. Kuhn is probably still mad at him so he decides to visit Kogyeol. He slowly gets out of the elevator, looking around for room numbers. Once he finds Kogyeol’s he doesn’t hesitate to walk in. 

Kogyeol is lying in bed, staring at the wall ahead of him. He jumps when he sees Wooshin standing in the doorway, concerned to see him in a hospital gown. Wooshin steps inside quietly, feeling a lump in his throat. 

“If you had never met me, this never would have happened.” Wooshin’s voice cracks as a tear rolls down his cheek while walking to the bed. “I’m so sorry, Kogyeol.” 

“Remember when I said it didn’t hurt that much? I lied. It was the most pain I’d ever been in.” Kogyeol replies, taking a sharp breath. He holds his hand out and grabs onto Wooshin’s. “But not once did I regret knowing you or caring about you.” 

“Kuhn wants nothing to do with me. I want to see him but I’m afraid.” 

“He’s cuffed to the bed. Not much he can do.” 

“I guess that’s fair. He did beat the shit out of Hwanhee and then broke into his home to destroy his things.” 

Kogyeol looks up to Wooshin and raises a brow. “Your heart betray you?” 

“In more ways than one.” 

Wooshin lets out an extremely fake laugh before turning around to walk out. He tells Kogyeol bye, promising to visit later. His legs shake the closer he gets to Kuhn’s room. He stops outside, looking around awkwardly. A man trips on his IV stand, making him drop down to help him. He apologizes profusely, but the man insists it was his own fault. As Wooshin helps him stand he stops and stares at him. He looks oddly similar to Kuhn. 

“Are you related to Sooil?” Wooshin asks, pointed towards Kuhn’s room. 

“He’s my child.” The man nods. “Why?” 

“Hi, I’m Wooshin, his-“ He pauses. “I guess ex, now.” 

“You’re the poor boy that had to deal with all that abuse from the guy who shot my son? He talks so much about you. I’m glad I could finally meet you. But I’m curious as to why you two broke up if he seems so in love with you.” 

“It makes it seem like he was talking about me when you were in the room.” 

“Because that’s all he talked about. He kept asking me if ‘Wooshin’ was okay, as if I knew. Then he was talking about how he gets to work for you at his new job. But he seemed so sad about it too. Why did you break up?” 

Wooshin puts his head down. “Because I’m an idiot.” 

“Well, Wooshin go back to college and smarten up. I hope you can fix things between the two of you. Have a good day.” 

The man nods and walks away. Wooshin stares at the door to the room. He hesitates for another few minutes. Eventually, he finds the nerve to open it. It takes him about 30 seconds to actually walk in. Kuhn is sleeping. His shoulder is wrapped and in a sling. He has a bandage over his cheek and wires spraying from his gown. There is an IV filled with different medications due to an infection Kuhn caught his second day in the hospital. Wooshin quietly walks in, stopping and holding his breath as his IV stand hits a counter. Kuhn slowly opens his eyes, looking around the room, confused. He puts his head back and closes his eyes again when he makes eye contact. 

“What are you doing here?” Kuhn asks quietly. 

“My hearts all fucky.” Wooshin laughs. 

“No-you know what I mean you dumbass.” He groans as he sits up. 

“I ran into your dad. Well, actually he literally ran into me. He seems nice.” 

“Yeah-you didn’t answer my question.” 

Wooshin slowly approaches the bed. “He asked why we broke up and I told him it was because I’m an idiot. He told me to go back to college.” 

Kuhn laughs, holding his shoulder in pain. “That sounds like him. By the way, I said I hate you. Not that I’m leaving you.” 

Wooshin picks his head up and widens his eyes. He feels his chest tighten. “What?” 

“I hate you so much but god damn it, I love you more. You made a stupid fucking mistake that I know you won’t make again.” 

Kuhn takes a long breath before trying to grab for Wooshin’s hand. Wooshin tries to hide his smile as he take it. He sits down as he starts to feel dizzy. Kuhn asks if he’s okay and wanted him to call a nurse in. Wooshin insists he’s okay and that he doesn’t need anything. His vision blurs slightly as his body starts to shake. Kuhn glares, but doesn’t say anything more. 

“Withdrawals are a killer.” Wooshin fake laughs as he weakly slumps to the side. 

He stares ahead to Kuhn, who isn’t sure how he should feel. Kuhn looks up as a nurse walks in. She greets the two and begins to check Kuhn’s stats, telling him his lunch will be up soon. Kuhn points to Wooshin and tells her to take him back to his room. He wants to fight it but he feels too nauseous to even speak. 

“I’m tired of this overly dramatic shit.” Wooshin finally says before feeling a surge of pain through his chest. “I’m done.” 

Kuhn forgets he is cuffed to the bed as he tries to go to Wooshin. The metal digs into his wrist, forcing him to pull back in pain. He tries to think of something calming to say to Wooshin but fails. Wooshin coughs a few times before straightening himself. 

“I’m fine!” He breathes hard. “I’m fine, don’t worry. I’m just gonna go back to my room.” 

The nurse walks back in with a wheelchair for him to sit in. He weakly stands up, going over to her. She wheels the IV stand beside the chair and tells him to hold it carefully. Wooshin doesn’t look up as she pushes him out. Kuhn looks around the room, feeling completely lost. He lays his head down and stares at the ceiling before falling back asleep. 

The next morning, Kuhn wakes up to Kogyeol standing beside his bed. He is wearing his normal clothes. A cop stands beside him. Kuhn sits up carefully, feeling concerned. Kogyeol keeps his head low.

“Hwanhee tried to kill himself, last night. He’s in the ICU and they aren’t sure if he’s going to make it. Wooshin knows but don’t talk about it. He’s taking it really hard.” Kogyeol takes a few hard breaths. “Wooshin was discharged too, by the way.” 

“What does that mean for me?” Kuhn asks, pulling at his cuff. 

“Hwanhee’s family is dropping all charges against you. They just want to forget everything that happened.” He sighs, picking at his hospital bracelet. 

The cop walks over and takes the handcuff from Kuhn’s wrist. He pulls his arm close to him, and sighs in relief. Kogyeol groans as he slowly sits back in his wheelchair. 

“I’m going home, now. I’ve been in here for over a week and I honestly can’t stand it. I want my bed back and my snacks.” Kogyeol laughs slightly. “Anyway, I’ll see you. Hopefully your infection heals and you can come home, too.” 

Kogyeol leaves and Kuhn immediately jumps out of the bed. He unhooks his IV tube from the stand, walking out. His shoulder pulses as he makes his way towards the ICU. He stops outside Hwanhee’s door once he finds it. 

Wooshin stares at Hwanhee’s body, with his mouth hanging open slightly. His eyes water as a wave of emotions flows over him. He looks back as the door opens behind him. Kuhn slowly walks in and Wooshin breaks down. 

“Don’t say anything, please.” Wooshin cries, carefully burying his face in Kuhn’s good shoulder. 

“Shh, it’s okay, baby.” Kuhn whispers, rubbing his back. 

He looks over to Hwanhee. There is a tube shoved down his throat and multiple wires spraying from his gown. Kuhn sees red marks around his neck, assumingly from a noose. His chest tightens, unsure of how to feel. He holds Wooshin closely, kissing the top of his head. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Wooshin coughs. 

“You don’t have to do anything. Just go home and try to relax.” Kuhn wipes his tears from his check. 

“What if he dies?” 

“He shot me. Twice.” He pauses. “And shot your best friend.” 

“But he’s still part of my life. I’ve known him since I was 13.” 

“I don’t want to sound cruel and I would never wish death on anyone, but he literally tried to kill-well actually all of us.” 

“I don’t want to talk about this right now!” Wooshin pulls away, frustrated. “Just- go back to your room.” 

Kuhn apologizes and walks out. Wooshin puts his hands to his head and curses under his breath. He sits down, bouncing his leg with anxiety. Hwanhee lays completely motionless as Wooshin watches his heart monitor. An hour passes and he doesn’t move from his spot. His phone goes off but he doesn’t check it at first. A few minutes pass and he gets a phone call. 

“Wooshin. Are you still at the hospital?” Kogyeol asks in a soft tone. 

“Fuck.” Wooshin whispers. “I really don’t know what to do.” 

“Go home.” 

“I can’t. What if something happens? All of this is my fault.” He breathes heavily. “He caused me so much hell but there was part of me that-“

“Please don’t tell me you still love him.” 

“No-yes-I don’t know! It’s just that, he was always there. You know? He was my whole life when I joined the company.” 

“He abused you, Wooshin. He wasn’t healthy for you. Go home and take a shower and go to bed. If you need me to, I can come over and sleep on the couch.” 

“Yeah, maybe. Don’t worry about it. I’ll go home. Thanks for calling, I’ll talk to you later.” 

Wooshin forces himself to stand but he just stares over Hwanhee’s body. Anger starts rise the longer he watches him. He balls his fists and starts to step forward, stopping himself before he doesn’t anything. His eyes widen and he shakes his head, walking out of the room quickly. He takes deep breaths as he rushes out towards his car, setting his head on the steering wheel. 

Kogyeol groans as he slowly gets up from the couch. He walks to the bathroom and pulls his shirt up to look at his gauze. The medical tape it peeling slightly so he starts to take it off. He winces as the gauze is stuck slightly to his stitches. It doesn’t look too red so he decides to just carefully take his shirt off and not worry about putting a new gauze on. He goes to his bedroom, grabbing a pill bottle from the dresser and taking his medicine. A wave of tiredness goes over him so he crawls into bed and falls asleep. 

A few hours later, he wakes up and yelps when he sees someone standing at the end of his bed. He turns his lamp on and stares. Wooshin stares back, clearly drunk. He sways forward and backward. Kogyeol looks down at his hand and sees him clutching a small knife, blade digging into his skin. He jumps up and takes it away as carefully as possible, throwing it to the floor. Wooshin falls into his chest as he wraps his arms around him. 

“Tell Kuhn I love him.” Wooshin mumbles. “And that I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for this world.” 

“Wooshin- did you do something?” Kogyeol grabs him arms and pulls him in front of his face. 

“No, not yet.” 

Wooshin drops to his knees and begins to have a panic attack. Kogyeol slowly leans down to him, sitting on the floor and trying to get him to breathe. His body shakes as he stares at him bloody palm. He apologizes over and over again in between breaths. Kogyeol fans his face and he hyperventilates. He catches him as he starts to fall to his side. 

“I can’t do this!” Wooshin screams out, collapsing against the bed frame. “I’m sorry.” 

Kogyeol groans through the pain as he picks Wooshin up and carries him to Kuhn’s room. He sets him down gently onto the bed. Wooshin lays to the side, pulling his knees to closer to his chest. His hands shake as he brings the blanket over himself. Kogyeol sits down beside him as he cries into the fabric. He brushes his hair from his face as it stick to his cheek. Wooshin’s breathing begins to slow and his eyes shut as his body forces him asleep from exhaustion.


	4. Chapter 4

Kuhn walks into his room, stopping at the doorway and staring at the bed. He smiles at Wooshin sleeping peacefully in it. His eyebrow raises when he notices a bandage around Wooshin’s hand. Wooshin lets out a high pitched whine as he stretches awake. He jumps when he opens his eyes and see Kuhn leaning against the wall. 

 

“Kuhn!” Wooshin jumps out of the bed and runs over, carefully hugging his right side. “I missed you.” 

 

Kuhn smirks, kissing the top of Wooshin’s head. “Good morning.” 

 

Wooshin closes his eyes and whines out again in happiness. “I hope it was okay that I crashed here for the week.” 

 

“That’s fine. Tell me what happened to your hand.” 

 

“I’m not sure. It looks like a cut.” Wooshin says, staring at his palm. 

 

He pulls away and flops backwards onto the bed. Kuhn adjusts the strap of his sling before sitting beside him. Wooshin looks at his feet and pouts, leaning over and laying his head on Kuhn’s shoulder. They meet eyes and Kuhn smiles again. 

 

Kogyeol sets his keys on the kitchen counter and opens the fridge. His hand rests against the gauze under his shirt as he rummages for something to eat. He pulls out a beer just as Wooshin and Kuhn walk out of the room. Wooshin stares at the bottle, feeling a sudden urge to drink. Kogyeol notices him staring and quickly puts the beer back in the fridge. He pulls three water bottles out instead. 

 

Kuhn takes two and hands one to Wooshin. Wooshin bites his cheek as he tries not to think about relapsing. He snaps back into reality and thanks Kuhn before drinking half of it in one go. 

 

“I think I’m gonna go home tonight. No offense but my bed is softer.” Wooshin half smiles. 

 

“Oh-okay. That’s fine.” Kuhn attempts to hide his disappointment. 

 

“If you want to stay I will, just maybe I should give you some time to get readjusted.” 

 

“I was only gone for like two weeks.” Kuhn pauses. “Wooshin, I know you care about Hwanhee and it’s okay if you want to see him. I won’t be mad.” 

 

“I didn’t say anything about him.” 

 

Kogyeol walks into his room to avoid the awkward conversation. He sits at this desk, groaning in pain. His side twitches as he plugs his phone into his charger. The wall adapter comes out and falls to the floor. He curses to himself and attempts to reach down for it. When he fails a few times he growls and stands back up. He walks out to the living room. 

 

“Wooshin, I know this is gonna sound dumb, but can you pick my charger up for me?” Kogyeol pinches the bridge of his nose as he asks. 

 

Wooshin snorts and walks to the room. Kogyeol points to his desk and he goes over to it. He leans down and picks it up, setting it by his laptop. 

 

“Please don’t see Hwanhee.” Kogyeol whispers. “And tell Kuhn you need him.” 

 

“I don’t want to see him at all and I don’t know how to express my emotions with Kuhn.” Wooshin looks behind him as the door opens. 

 

“Sorry to interrupt. It doesn’t take that long to pick a cord up and the door doesn’t need to be closed for it.” Kuhn tries not to sound too mean. “Wooshin, it’s okay you can go home. I’ll call you in the morning.” He forces a smile. “Love you.” 

 

He closes the door and Wooshin puts his hands on his hips. “Yeah, I fucked up. Now it’s awkward.” 

 

“Unfortunately, you’re on your own, buddy.” Kogyeol pats him on the back and leads him out to the living room. 

 

Wooshin gathers his things from Kuhn’s room and quietly leaves. Kuhn sits on the bed, deep in thought. He’s tired of pretending he’s okay about Wooshin and Kogyeol. His chest aches as he imagines what the two did that night. What would have happened if he hadn’t walked in? Would the two just keep sneaking behind his back? He tries to shake off the thoughts but fails, attempting to force himself asleep with his medication. 

 

Kogyeol shakes his leg anxiously as he thinks back to the night he and Wooshin had sex. He can’t stop thinking about it. Kuhn would feel like shit if he knew Kogyeol still has feeling for Wooshin. He slams his laptop shut before walking out into the living room. 

 

He stops and widens his eyes as he sees Kuhn leaning against the wall, staring at him. His eyes are half open as it’s clear his medicine has kicked in. Kogyeol tries to walk past but Kuhn blocks him. 

 

“How many times?” Kuhn asks with hate in his voice. 

 

“What?” Kogyeol stares confused. 

 

“-Did you fuck Wooshin?” He glares. “How many times, since he and I started dating?” 

 

“Just that once. I promise. Look, I’m sorry. It was a mistake and I know a simple apology won’t do much. What can I do to make this up to you?” 

 

“You fucked my boyfriend!” 

 

Kogyeol jumps back as Kuhn yells. “It was an accident.” 

 

“Your dick just happened to slip into his ass?” 

 

“I know nothing is going to make this right so I don’t know what to say to you. He had a weak moment and he came to me for help.” 

 

“Of course he would come to you, you’re just a cheap fuck and a way to get an easy fix. Are you the reason why he pops pills, too?” 

 

Kogyeol widens his eyes and shakes. His chest aches as he realizes he's the reason Wooshin has an addiction. “Shit. I’m such a fuck up.” He puts his hands to his face and yells out in frustration, kicking the wall. “I’ll make this right. Somehow.”

 

“Good fucking luck.”

 

Kuhn backs away, walking back to his bedroom. Kogyeol walks to the kitchen and grabs two beers from the fridge before going back to his room. He drinks them both in under 10 minutes, laying his head on his desk. His hand reaches blindly into the drawer, pulling out a small baggie. He looks up and takes a pill from it. It tastes bitter as he sets it on his tongue. Kuhn walks in immediately after, making Kogyeol jump. He swallows hard, finishing the last drink of his beer. Kuhn walks over and sits on the bed. With his good hand he stretches his arm, placing his palm out. Kogyeol blinks a few times, confused. 

 

“Take me back to Freshman year.” Kuhn sighs. 

 

Kogyeol cocks his head before taking another pill out. He stands up, walking slowly over to Kuhn. Kuhn looks up at him as he places a hand on his cheek. Kogyeol gestures for Kuhn to stick his tongue out, which he does. He smirks, placing the pill down carefully on top on it and caressing his cheek. Kuhn closes his eyes and lays back on bed. Kogyeol joins him as they both stare at the ceiling. 

 

“Is this what you give him?” Kuhn asks, not sure if Kogyeol is listening. 

 

“Yeah.” He sigh. “Sometimes.”

 

“Well, shit. This is the stuff that you and I fucked with. Back when we fucked with each other.” 

 

“What an awkward fucking time.” 

 

The two laugh before going quiet. Kuhn closes his eyes and falls asleep instantly. Kogyeol sits back up and stares at the black screen of his tv. He doesn’t move for a few minutes but stands up suddenly, looking back to see if he disturbed Kuhn. His legs wobble slightly as he makes his way towards the living room. He slowly stumbles towards the kitchen, grabbing his keys and putting his shoes on. 

 

Wooshin sits on the couch at his new place, legs to his chest. He picks at his bottom lip and stares at the wall. There is a loud thud outside his door, making him jump and gasp loudly. His heart beats quickly as he hears someone start to open the door. He shakes as he throw his body off the couch, not looking away from the hallway. 

 

Kogyeol walks into the foyer, dropping his keys on the ground and cursing. Wooshin runs towards him, expecting an intruder. He stops before grabbing his umbrella from the coat hanger. 

 

“Jesus fucking Christ, what are you doing?” Wooshin grabs his chest before walking over to him. 

 

“I need to talk to you.” Kogyeol slurs his words, grabbing Wooshin’s side. 

 

Wooshin shifts to the side awkwardly. “Are you okay?” 

 

“I still love you.” He grabs Wooshin’s face, pulling him forward to kiss him. 

 

Wooshin smacks him back and stares, confused. “I didn’t know you even loved me in the first place. Are you fucked up or something?” 

 

“When am I not? Afterall, I’m the reason why you’re a fucking mess.” 

 

“Uh-I’m gonna call Kuhn to come and get you.” 

 

Wooshin gets his phone out and attempts to walk to the living room but Kogyeol grabs his arm. He pulls away and curses when Kogyeol pushes him against the wall. Wooshin begins to panic, telling Kogyeol to let him go. Kogyeol’s grip tightens and he tries to kiss Wooshin, failing as Wooshin keeps turning his head. One hand travels to Wooshin’s hip as he presses his body closer. He digs his finger into Wooshin’s scar, making him whine out in pain. 

 

Kogyeol picks him up by his waist and carries him to the living room. Wooshin yells at him to let him go, starting to have a full panic attack. He coughs through his tears, attempting to hit Kogyeol. Kogyeol holds one of his hands behind his back and the other above his head. He kisses his neck and collarbone as he attempts to break free. Kogyeol’s head sways forward as his vision blurs. Wooshin screams out as Kogyeol starts to pull at his pajama pants. He manages to free a leg, kicking Kogyeol in his wound. Kogyeol groans in pain and falls off the couch. Wooshin grabs his phone and keys, running out the door barefoot.

 

He cries loudly as he runs to his car. His heart drops as he sees Kogyeol trapped him in. He fumbles with his phone and tries to call Kuhn. Wooshin stupidly walks back into the house as he waits for Kuhn to pick up. Kogyeol rounds the corner, grabbing Wooshin and slamming him hard against the wall again. 

 

“Why don’t you love me? What did I do wrong?” Kogyeol yells out. “Can I make you love me?” 

 

“Stop! Please.” Wooshin begins to hyperventilate. “Let go.” 

 

“You make everyone turn into a fucking monster. Are you happy? This is your fault.” He twitches. “We just wanted to love you but you wanted toys instead. How long until you fuck over Kuhn?” 

 

Kogyeol shakes, slamming him harder against the wall, making the plaster crack. The air is knocked out of Wooshin, causing his legs to give out. Kogyeol straddles him, pulling his shirt up slightly. Wooshin attempts to catch his breath, trying to look around for his phone. Kogyeol covers his mouth and again pulls at his waistband. Wooshin thrashes his body around, trying to break free, but loses energy. Tears stream down his face as Kogyeol places his hand against his thigh. 

 

Wooshin tries to scoot away but Kogyeol smacks his hard against the face. He screams when Kogyeol is thrown off him. Kuhn grabs Kogyeol by the collar and punches him in the face over and over. Wooshin gets to his feet and runs towards the living room, backing himself in the corner. He drops to the floor and cries into his arms. 

 

Kogyeol doesn’t fight back as Kuhn continues to hit him. Kuhn yells out, not caring about being in pain. He stops when Kogyeol’s eyelid splits open. His body shakes as he tries to hold back tears. 

 

“I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m a monster. Forgive me.” Kogyeol groans out. 

 

“Fuck you!” Kuhn screams as loud as possible. “You have 3 seconds to get as far away from here as possible. And if I come home and you’re still there, I will kill you. Got it?” His hand twitches. “Go!” 

 

Kogyeol stumbles up and runs as fast as he can out the door. Kuhn storms into the living room. Running over to Wooshin and pulling him into his chest. Wooshin cries loudly, clinging onto his shirt. He feel nauseous pushing Kuhn away to rush to the bathroom. His vision blacks out as he hits but Kuhn catches him. He throws up and weakly pulls himself back into Kuhn’s chest. Kuhn holds him on the floor, rocking him from side to side. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m here baby. I’m not leaving you.” He cries as well. “I love you.” 

 

Wooshin jumps awake on the couch and whines out. He looks around the room to see everything in its place. His phone is laying on his stomach, vibrating furiously. He quickly answers it. 

 

“Uh-hello?” He tries to collect himself. 

 

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Kuhn’s voice is soft. 

 

“I took a nap. What time is it?” 

 

“3pm. I know I said I’d call you in the morning but I just woke up.” 

 

“Damn, they must have put you on the good shit.” 

 

Kuhn laughs, remembering taking Kogyeol’s pill and the two passing out on the bed. “Yeah, it’s crazy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know I sounded mad last night but it wasn’t at you.” 

 

“It’s okay. I- uh just realized I’m late for my meeting.” 

 

“Why are you going back to work already?” 

 

Wooshin thinks for a minute to try to find a reason good enough for Kuhn. “Uh, I just-I don’t know.” 

 

“Nice. Well, I’m gonna sleep for the rest of the day so I’ll talk to you whenever. Love you.” 

 

Kuhn hangs up and yawns, walking from Kogyeol’s room to his own.  He crawls under the covers carefully, playing on his phone for a bit. Eventually he starts to nod off again, smashing the phone into his nose. He throws it to the side and quickly passes out. 

 

Wooshin stands in his kitchen, still shaken by the nightmare he had. He debates texting Kogyeol, but isn’t sure what to say. His feet force him to the fridge. When he opens it, he sees a case of beer he impulsively bought the night before. He grabs a bottle and walks to the living room, sighing loudly. The cap flies across the room as he pops it off with a lighter. The first drink tastes awful but he doesn’t set it down. He finishes it and soon finds the rest of the six pack on the coffee table. 

 

**I have $50**

**I need something.**

 

**Give me a few. I just took my meds and I don’t feel comfortable driving rn.**

 

Kogyeol thinks for a minute, wondering if he should actually supply Wooshin. His medication sets in a bit more and he relaxes. He goes to his desk and pulls out two bags, one large one filled with his pills and a small empty one. His vision blurs as he tries to count out ten pills. He carefully places them in the bag and slides it into his front pocket. 

 

Wooshin sits on the floor, flipping the TV remote in his hand. His elbow is propped up against the coffee table. There are four empty beer bottles and another half empty bottle beside them. He grabs for it, finishing what is left in one go. The remote falls to the ground and he stares at it before chuckling. He gasps when he hears someone start to open the front door. Knowing it’s Kogyeol, he grabs the bottles and tries to hide them under a blanket. Kogyeol walks in and takes his shoes off before going towards the living room. 

 

He greets Wooshin, who is sitting awkwardly on the couch. Wooshin smiles and waves, laying backwards. Kogyeol goes over to him and sits, staring with an eyebrow raised. 

 

“Are you drunk?” Kogyeol asks, concerned but annoyed. 

 

“No. I quit.” Wooshin lies, speaking away from him. 

 

“Bullshit, I can smell you.” He grabs his arm. “Kuhn’s gonna be pissed.” 

 

Wooshin puts his head down. “He doesn’t have to know. It’s one time.” 

 

Without looking up, he grabs the money from his pocket and holds it out to Kogyeol. Kogyeol takes it quickly, placing the baggie in his palm. He sighs and sits back. 

 

“You really need to stop that shit, too. I’m not gonna be able to supply you forever.” Kogyeol places a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Then I’ll find someone else.” Wooshin blinks slowly, head swaying to the side. “It won’t be hard. Plenty of druggies around here. If Hwanhee ever wakes up, I’ll get them from him.” 

 

“Yeah and turn into a monster, too? Nah, I’d rather you get them from me.” 

 

“You’re really confusing, you know that?” 

 

Kogyeol chuckles and looks at his hands. His smile fades as he goes quiet for a moment. Wooshin sits forward and questions his silence and mood change. 

 

“I-I think I still love you.” Kogyeol’s chest aches as he confesses. 

 

Wooshin’s heartbeat quickens as he remembers his nightmare again. He stands and back away but tries not to make it obvious. “You really were in love with me? Kogyeol, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” 

 

“Hey, don’t be. I’m happy both my two good former fuck buddies started dating.” He instantly regrets saying that. 

 

“You and Kuhn-fucked?” 

 

Kogyeol nods and shrugs, standing up and walking to Wooshin. He is confused as Wooshin seems a bit on edge. Wooshin stares as Kogyeol takes the bag from his hand and takes a pill out. He places it on his tongue and walks to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Wooshin looks around the empty room, extremely anxious. His hands shake as Kogyeol walks back out and grabs his wrist. 

 

Wooshin is thrown back on the bed after Kogyeol asks him to take a pill. He swallows hard, not sure what emotion to feel. Kogyeol crawls on top of his body, kissing him deeply. Wooshin muffles a half moan, weakly pressing for him to get off yet kissing back. His nails dig into Kogyeol’s back as he moves down to Wooshin’s neck. Wooshin pushes on his shoulders, telling him to stop. He breathes heavily, half scared and half aroused. 

 

“Kogyeol, no. I’m not doing this. Please, get up.” Wooshin pushes him again. 

 

Kogyeol props himself up on one arm, staring sadly into Wooshin’s eyes. “We alway do this after a deal. What’s different, now?” 

 

“Kuhn.” 

 

“Please, it’ll be quick, I promise.” 

 

Wooshin stares at him, mouth open slightly. “Kogyeol, it’s not going to happen this time. I’m not in the mood for this. Please, go home. This is making me really anxious.”  

 

He sits up after Kogyeol stands. Kogyeol’s lip twitches slightly as he puts his head down in shame. He walks out of the house without a word. Wooshin debates what he should do, knowing he wanted to fool around. His chest starts to hurt so he walks to the bathroom to take his medication. He takes a deep breath as his vision blurs slightly. His fingers run through his hair as he slowly sits on the floor, staring at the sink. 

 

After the pain subsides, he stands and walks to the front door. He grabs his keys from the hook and puts his shoes on, walking out. 

 

His body shakes with anxiety as he slowly walks into Hwanhee’s room. He notices his eyes flickering when he walks to the bed. The room is decorated with flowers and banners from his fans wishing him well. Wooshin sits down and places his hand on top of Hwanhee’s. He gasps and pulls away when Hwanhee weakly moves his arm. Hwanhee turns his palm over and Wooshin slowly puts his hand back. He holds his breath waiting for him to do something else. Maybe he’s imagining this. Maybe it’s the high he’s on messing with his mind. 

 

“Hwanhee, I know you can make it through this. You’re stronger than this. When you get better, we can get you some help.” Wooshin whispers to him. “I know you aren’t a bad person.” 

 

“Wooshin, what are you doing?” Wooshin jumps and turns to see Kogyeol leaning against the door. “You said you didn’t want to see him.” 

 

“Why does it matter? What are you doing here?” 

 

“Making sure you weren’t doing something stupid. You’re drunk and you weren’t answering your phone so Kuhn sent me to look for you.” 

 

“I guess I’m predictable.” He puts his head down and stands up. “He grabbed my hand back.” 

 

“Wooshin, Kuhn is really worried about you. Can you come back to my place and talk to him?” He finds it hard to believe that Hwanhee is actually responding to touch. 

 

He crosses his arms and stares past him, noticing Hwanhee moving. Wooshin turns around just as Hwanhee opens his eyes slightly. The two rush to the bedside and watch him closely. Hwanhee looks directly at Wooshin, grabbing for him before his eyes flicker closed. Wooshin takes his hand again and squeezes it, breathing sharply. Kogyeol stands back as Hwanhee opens his eyes again. He’s unable to speak due to the tube down his throat so he just keeps ahold of Wooshin. Wooshin blinks hard, unsure of what to say or do. He sits down again and asks Kogyeol to get a nurse. 

 

Kogyeol walks out, going towards the nurses station. Wooshin doesn’t look away from Hwanhee, feeling both scared and happy. His mouth twitches as a nurse walks in and greets them. 

 

“I’m not sure if there’s much you can do, but since he’s awake, is he able to have this tube removed?” Wooshin asks, turning to look at her. 

 

“If he is able to breathe and swallow on his own then yes. We can test it out.” She replies, grabbing for a pair of gloves. 

 

Kogyeol and Wooshin watch her closely as she unhooks the main tube and sets it beside Hwanhee’s head. He takes a few hard breaths and coughs, finding is difficult to swallow at first. Everyone sits patiently as the nurse inserts an NG tube into his nose, then setting an oxygen mask beside his head. Hwanhee places his hand over his neck, feeling the fabric burn on it starting to scab. He breathes sharply and looks down. 

 

“I think it’s time for me to change.” Hwanhee croaks out before closing his eyes and falling asleep. 

 

Kogyeol bites his tongue and walks out. Wooshin leans closer to Hwanhee, crossing his legs. His hand shakes as he pulls it away, but refuses to look away from him. A tear rolls down his cheek as many emotions fill his body. 

 

Kuhn looks up from the dining room table when Kogyeol opens the door. He places his phone down, screen on his messages to Wooshin. 

 

“He’s with Hwanhee, isn’t he?” Kuhn asks, turning around. “Right?.” 

 

“Yeah. But-” Kogyeol begins to respond. 

 

“You don’t need to defend him. It’s fine.” He stands up and walks to his room, shoving his phone in his pocket. 

 

He sits on the edge of the bed, staring at his feet. There is an pain in his chest that grows the more he thinks about everything. He knows Wooshin still cares about Hwanhee. But why? After everything that’s happened, why does he go back? Kuhn worries that he’s going to lose Wooshin. This makes his heart ache more. He looks over at his bedside table and grabs his medication, getting a pill out and taking it. His heart continues to hurt as he is deep in thought. After about 15 more minutes, the medicine kicks in and he goes to sit back. He takes his sling off and plays with the gauze underneath his shirt. His eyes get heavier the longer he stares at the ceiling. Finally he falls asleep, though still feeling a deep depression. 

 

Kogyeol sits on the kitchen floor, playing with a dime he found. He flips it around his fingers while staring into space. All he can think about is Wooshin. He wonders if he’s actually in love with him or if he just feels lonely and is clutching to the person he’s known the longest. Is Wooshin doing the same thing with Hwanhee? He thinks to himself as the dime rolls across the floor. A loud sigh escapes his mouth as he crawls towards it, feeling the strain to his side. He sits against a cabinet and stares at the fridge. His body jumps when his phone starts to ring. He stands a little too quickly, grabbing the phone from the counter and answering. 

 

“Why are you always so harsh to me? I never hurt you.” Kogyeol’s chest tightens when he hears Hwanhee’s voice. 

 

“You did hurt me. A lot.” Kogyeol replies quietly. 

 

“I don’t remember doing any of it, then. I’m so sorry.” His voice cracks. “These last few years have been a blur.” 

 

“It’s definitely time to get help, Hwanhee.” 

 

“I need to make things right with Wooshin. Even though I think I’ve fucked up beyond redemption. I don’t want to try to get him back-“ He pauses to take a breath. “But I don’t want to live with my guilt forever.” 

 

Kogyeol thinks for a few seconds. “Wooshin still cares about you. He’s a very sensitive person and he’s known you for a long time. You can make it better but things will never be the same again. This isn’t meant to sound harsh but he’s happy with Kuhn and he’s terrified of losing the one thing that makes him happy again.” 

 

He waits patiently for Hwanhee to respond. “When I saw him today, he looked terrible. It worried me, honestly. Kuhn may make him happy but I can see something is stressing him.” 

 

“It’s you.” He pauses, expecting Hwanhee to yell at him. “I’m sorry.” 

 

Kogyeol can hear Hwanhee sniffle. “Don’t be. I did this to myself.” He stops, unsure of what else to say without crying. “I’m afraid that Kuhn will get the wrong idea if I try to make things right.” 

 

“He’s not that difficult to speak with. I know he’s been through a lot of shit in his life. To be fair, if he does get mad, you did kinda fucking shoot him. So.” 

 

“God-I want to die.” He tries to hold a yawn back but fails. “I’m falling asleep but thank you for talking to me like I’m a human. I appreciate it.” 

 

“Don’t worry about it. I knew you back when you were human.” 

 

The two quietly laugh before Kogyeol hangs up. He stares at the phone screen for a minute before setting it down on the floor. His eyes water as he stares ahead. He pulls his hands to his face and starts to cry.  A few moments later, he stops and wipes the tears away like nothing happened. 

 

He jumps when Kuhn runs out of his room. His eyes widen when he realizes Kuhn is crying. Kuhn goes over to him, trying to catch his breath but every time he does he cries more. His face is red and he sniffles hard to get rid of the snot dripping from his nose. Kogyeol stands up quickly, concerned, grabbing Kuhn by the arm.

 

“Jinhoo got into a car accident and-” He cuts himself off, crying louder. 

 

Kogyeol pulls Kuhn into a hug, feeling his chest tighten. “I'm sorry. I'm here for you. It's okay.” 

 

Kuhn buries his face in Kogyeol's shoulder, screaming out. Kogyeol begins to tremble, feeling a tear fall down his cheek. He rubs Kuhn's back trying to get him to breathe. 

 

“Can you please call Wooshin? I really need both of you with me tonight.” Kuhn's voice shakes as he attempts to wipe his tears away.

 

“Of course.” Kogyeol replies softly before picking his phone up from the floor.

 

Wooshin practically throws his body out of the car when he pulls up to Kuhn's place. He runs inside and sees Kuhn clutching onto Kogyeol's shirt. Kogyeol pulls him back and turns him around so he sees Wooshin. Kuhn cries more when Wooshin pulls him forward into his chest. The two slowly walk Kuhn into the living room. Wooshin half lays down, bringing Kuhn as close as possible. Kogyeol sits beside them, rubbing Kuhn's leg. 

 

“He was my best friend. I've known him for 16 years. I watched him go through so much shit. Fuck I saved him from dying in high school. Why couldn't I have been there for him this time? I was always his DD. Why didn't he call me after he left? I didn't care that he was an hour away. I would have driven across the country if it meant he was safe. He told me he wasn't going to drink.” Kuhn's heart aches as he feels a lump reform in his throat. He buries his face in his hands. “This world is so fucking bullshit.”

 

“It's okay, baby. I know it's painful but he's in a better place now.” Wooshin rubs his arm before kissing the top of his head.

 

Kuhn stares up to the ceiling and sniffles. “Jinhoo, I hope you're comfortable wherever you are and I really fucking hope you didn't do this on purpose.”

 

Kogyeol stares at Kuhn's legs, spaced out. He remembers meeting Jinhoo a few times at the apartment. The boy always smiled and knew how to make everyone laugh. Kogyeol smiles, remembering when Jinhoo gave him his jacket when they all locked themselves out of the building. He told him he was cold and Jinhoo gave it to him in a heartbeat. Wooshin and Kuhn watch as Kogyeol stands up and walks to his room. A few moments later, he walks out holding the jacket. Kuhn sniffles when Kogyeol holds it out to him. 

 

“Hey, he'd want you to have this, since I'm not cold anymore.” Kogyeol half smiles. 

 

Kuhn slowly takes it and holds it to his chest. “Thank you. So much.” His voice is quiet and on the verge of cracking. He looks over to Wooshin, who is softly smiling at him. “Wooshin-.”

 

“Yes, baby?” He replies, tilting his head.

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you, too.” Wooshin rubs his shoulder and pulls him closer. “Want me to get you anything?”

 

“My best friend back?” 

 

“I can get you some liquor and maybe a pizza?” 

 

Kogyeol looks over to Kuhn and leans in front of him. “Why don't I go get a few things to make you feel better?” 

 

Kuhn meets eyes with Kogyeol. They stare silently before Kuhn cries again, pulling himself into Kogyeol's shirt. Kogyeol wraps his arms tightly around Kuhn, rocking him from side to side. Kuhn holds his breath as the pain from his shoulder starts to hit him. He groans out, pushing deeper into Kogyeol's chest. Wooshin sits up quickly and looks at him concerned. 

 

“Do you need me to get your medicine? Are you in pain?.” Wooshin asks.

 

“No. I don't care about my damn shoulder.” He takes a few hard breaths before standing up. “I'm sorry, I need to go.” 

 

Wooshin and Kogyeol rush to him as 

Kuhn attempts to leave, collapsing into the wall instead. He puts his head into his knees and starts to sob again. The two wrap their arms around him, allowing him to scream in their ears to let out his emotions. 


	5. Chapter 5

Wooshin sits in his car outside of the UP10 building, smoking a cigarette. He is shaking as he grabs his things from the center console. An unopened Red Bull is thrown into his backpack as he gets out. Other artists pile into the building, running to various rooms. Wooshin climbs up a flight of stairs towards the meeting hall. His manager greets him when he walks inside. He doesn't mean to glare as he shuffles to the table.

 

“I know you feel like shit but it won't last too much longer.” His manager attempts to smile, sitting down next to him. 

 

“I just want to get everything back to normal. Release this single and then get the tour started.” Wooshin replies as he yawns. 

 

“I'm happy you're eager but don't push yourself, Wooseok.”

 

“Are they really going to kick Hwanhee out?” 

 

“I don't know. We keep going back and forth on it.” He pauses. “Okay-less about Hwanhee and more about you, please.” 

 

Wooshin puts his head down and stares at his hands, feeling a knot form in his stomach. He apologizes and the two start the meeting. His leg bounces uncontrollably through the whole thing, distracted both of them several times. 

 

The two look up as the door opens. Wooshin stares, feeling his stomach twist. Hwanhee slowly walks in, keeping his head low. Their manager greets him softly. Wooshin can't help but look at the scabs around Hwanhee's neck. 

 

“I'm really sorry to interrupt, I didn't know you were having a meeting.” Hwanhee begins to turn around but their manager stops him.

 

“It's okay. You can come in.” He tells him. 

 

Hwanhee nods and quietly closes the door. He walks across the room, sitting down. Wooshin continues to bounce his leg and starts picking at a scratch on his hand. Hwanhee notices his anxiety. 

 

“Do you think I could stay if I went to rehab? Like-maybe we can make a deal? I'll do anything to stay, please. This is my life.” Hwanhee clears his throat to hide his voice cracking. 

 

“I'm trying to help you as much as possible. If you're serious about getting help, we may be able to continue working with you. You did something very serious and you should be thankful no one is pressing charges against you.” The two listen to him closely. 

 

“But I was the victim!” 

 

“They reacted poorly to your long term actions. You need to understand what Wooseok went through when your addiction started. Kuhn was protecting him after seeing what you did to him. Kogyeol was just trying to calm the situation.” He pauses to take a breath. “You know you messed up, right? Or else you wouldn't be here begging to stay. I personally think that no matter what you need to step away and do some serious personal reflections.”

 

Hwanhee looks at Wooshin, who refuses to make eye contact. “Wooshin, I never meant to hurt you. All I want to do is attempt to make things right. I know you won't believe me, you don't have to. But I'm really trying.” 

 

“Fix yourself, Hwanhee. Then-we can see about fixing things between us. I'm focusing on my career while combating my own addictions. I know you, Hwanhee, you're stronger than this bullshit. When I started here, you were the only person who talked to me. The one that encouraged me to stay after 3 years of not debuting because you said it took you 5. You went through a disbanding and said “fuck it, I'll be a soloist.” And you did exactly that. You did everything to make yourself a stronger person. But I don't know what happened that made you become a monster that no one wanted to be around.” 

 

“I'll figure that out. Not just for you but for me as well. I don't like feeling this way anymore. I don't like not remembering what I did the night before. I don't like hearing the fear in your voice when I talk to you. I don't like puking and waking up in pain. I don't like anything anymore. I just want to be normal again.” 

 

“Then step back.” 

 

Wooshin looks to his manager and nods before standing up and leaving. Hwanhee sniffles loudly as tears stream down his face. He shakes his head and buries it in his arms on the table. 

 

Kogyeol walks into Kuhn's room with a basket full of clothes. He sets it gently on the bed before starting to fold them. His eyes wander around the room, stopping when he sees Jinhoo's jacket laying on a chair. He sighs and gets his phone out. There's a text from Wooshin and an email from work. He checks the email and sees it's more paperwork to give to Kuhn for employment. The text from Wooshin says something about the tour and needing to meet for pr designs. He texts back a date and time before going back to folding. 

 

His head pops up when he hears someone walk in. Kuhn keeps his head low as he slides his feet to the bed. He's wearing a black suit and his eyes are red and swollen. 

 

“Thank you.” Kuhn says quietly. “You didn't have to.” 

 

Kogyeol picks the clothes up off the bed and walks to the dresser. “Don't worry about it. Just try to get some rest, okay. I'm gonna get you some water “ 

 

Kuhn nods as he sheds his clothes. He just throws them on the floor, not caring. Kogyeol trips on the pants walking back in. He carefully sets the bottle of water on the nightstand. Kuhn grabs Kogyeol's arm when he begins to leave. He stops and turns around. 

 

“I know you're worried about me but I'll be okay. I was able to get some closure today.” Kuhn forces a smile. 

 

“Just let me know if you need anything, then.” Kogyeol says, rubbing his shoulder. 

 

“Tell Wooshin I'm okay. I would but I don't have the energy.” 

 

“Sure. No problem.” 

 

He stands up and leaves. Kuhn lays on his side, staring at the wall until his body forces him to sleep. Kogyeol sits at the dining room table with his laptop connected to the printer on the floor. He prints off the paperwork for Kuhn then pulls his Economics assignment up. His eyes blur as he stares at the screen for two hours straight. He blinks hard, leaning back to stretch. 

 

His phone goes off and he suddenly remembers he was supposed to text Wooshin. 

 

**Kogyeol..Kuhn isnt answering his phone. I know he was at the funeral but is he okay?**

 

**Yeah..he just went to sleep.**

 

**Im coming over.**

**I need to talk to him**

 

**I mean..you can but its not the best time**

 

**Yeah i know but its important**

 

Kogyeol sighs and sits back in the chair to crack his back. He yawns and lays his head on the table. His heart nearly comes out of his chest when there is a knock on the door. He quickly goes over and opens it. Wooshin greets him and walks in. 

 

“Maybe I will get you a key so when I fall asleep you can just walk right in.” Kogyeol laughs, rubbing his eyes. 

 

“Maybe.” Wooshin smiles, taking his shoes off. 

 

Wooshin starts to walk towards Kuhn's room. He is afraid to disturb him but he needs to talk to him. Kuhn doesn't wake up as the door creaks open. Wooshin stands there, watching his chest rise and fall slowly. 

 

Kuhn jumps when Wooshin sits on the bed beside him. He props himself up on his elbow and stares at him tiredly. 

 

“Hey. Didn't Kogyeol tell you I was okay?” Kuhn yawns and rubs his eyes. 

 

Wooshin props his leg under his other and clears his throat. “He did. I just need to talk to you.”

 

“Now isn’t the best time.” 

 

“Please, I’m really weak right now and I don’t want to fuck up.” Wooshin picks at lip and stares at the floor. “But I also kinda do.”

 

Kuhn sits up properly, his head still heavy. He sighs and wraps his arm around Wooshin. “Why?” His eyes are red and dry but he is only focused on Wooshin’s health. “Did something happen?”

 

“It’s just-you know how ticket sales for my tour are starting next month? Well, my manager said he’d cancel again if I relapsed. I was supposed to tour with Hwanhee and since he’s been doing better, I almost want to fuck up just so he can get his second chance.” 

 

“Wooshin. Please don’t do that. There will be more tours in the future and Hwanhee probably shouldn’t be touring this year anyway. You’ve already postponed this concert for 6 months. If you do it again, you’re risking a lot of trust from your fans.”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Baby, I love you and I’m already sad that I can’t direct this tour for you. It’s best to just get it done and over with. Then you can relax. By the time you’re back, you’ll be healthy.”

 

The two look up as the bedroom door opens. Kogyeol stands there awkwardly.

 

“Sorry, just checking in. Kuhn, I want that water gone by 7.” He waves and closes the door. 

 

Kuhn checks the time, seeing that it's fifteen ‘til 7. He grabs the water and chugs it, feeling his throat burn slightly. 

 

Wooshin feels a lump form in his throat. His eyes water so he blinks to keep himself from crying. “I really don't know if I'm strong enough, anyway. It hurts so much.” 

 

“You are strong. I believe in you.” Kuhn sniffles and lays back down. “Come here, I think we both need to cuddle.” 

 

After a few hours, Wooshin goes home so Kuhn can get some proper sleep. He walks into his place and sits at the counter in his kitchen, staring over at the wall. His hand clutches his phone as his leg shakes the chair nervously. He growls and looks at the screen. 

 

Hwanhee walks out of his doctor’s office and jumps when his phone begins to ring. He quickly answers once he sees who it is. 

 

“Wooseok? Is everything okay?” His heartbeat quickens. 

 

“I didn’t want to admit this but I miss you.” Wooshin puts his head down and sighs loudly. “Are you busy?” 

 

“Not anymore. Do you need something? I’m on that side of town if-”

 

“I need you.” He whispers, putting his head against the counter. “I’m ready to give up.” 

 

He hangs up and keeps his head down, buried in his arms. His body shakes as he feels the strong urge to relapse. When he looks up, his vision blurs and his chest aches. He tries to stand but his knees give out, forcing him into the wall. 

 

“Shit.” He yells as he falls forward onto the floor. 

 

There is a knock on his door but he can't stand up to answer it. Thankfully, it is unlocked so Hwanhee just walks in after he doesn't answer. Hwanhee walks through the hall, looking into the room. He rushes over to Wooshin as he attempts to stand. Wooshin's body is covered in sweat and his skin is cold. 

 

“I’m gonna puke.” He breathes deeply to keep himself from doing so. 

 

Hwanhee struggles to stand him up, rushing him to the bathroom. Wooshin stumbles into the door, falling over the toilet. He throws up blindly, Hwanhee holding him up by his sides. Wooshin groans and wipes the stomach acid from his cheek. His body continues to shake as his eyes burn red. 

 

“God- this shit hurts so much.” He sits back against the bathtub. “This is what you've got to look forward to.” 

 

“For how long?” Hwanhee feels his chest tighten as he moves the hair away from Wooshin's eyes. 

 

“I don't know but the first week is absolute hell.” 

 

Wooshin leans forward into Hwanhee's chest. He digs his nails into his shoulder as the pain in his stomach increases. Hwanhee rocks him from side to side, petting his head to keep him calm. He gets anxious, afraid of the symptoms he will soon go through. Wooshin pushes away and doubles over the toilet again, gagging loudly. He growls loudly and begins to cry out of frustration. 

 

Kuhn stumbles out into the living room to see Kogyeol making out with a stranger on the couch. He rolls his eyes and walks to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Kogyeol jumps when the fridge opens. He stands up and grabs the boy by his wrist and pulls him towards the bedroom. Kuhn raises a brow, walking behind them towards his own room. 

 

“This is Wei. He’s tall.” Kogyeol tells Kuhn before pushing the boy into the room and closing the door behind them. 

 

“Okay, then. Not surprised.” Kuhn says to himself, going back to his bedroom. 

 

He lays on his bed and reaches for his phone, feeling disappointed that Wooshin hasn’t called or texted. Wooshin grabs his phone from the coffee table. He quickly answers, looking over at Hwanhee awkwardly.

 

“Hello?” He picks at his fingernail.

 

“Hey, just checking in on you.” Kuhn speaks softly. 

 

“I’m okay. My friend’s over.”

 

“Oh-sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He pauses.”It’s not Hwanhee, is it?”

 

“No.” Wooshin looks up at Hwanhee,who is playing with his jacket sleeve. “He’s a trainee.”

 

“I’ll let you go then. Love you.” 

 

“Love you, too. See you later.”

 

They both hang up and Hwanhee raises his brow. Wooshin scratches his cheek, shaking his leg anxiously. 

 

“Why'd you lie to him? It's not like I'm here to fuck you.” Hwanhee ask, crossing his legs. 

 

“Yeah, I'm hanging out with the guy that tried to kill you and beat the shit out of your boyfriend.” Wooshin replies. 

 

“Okay, I get it!” 

 

Wooshin flinches and put his head down. “I'm sorry.” 

 

Hwanhee jumps forward and grabs Wooshin's hand. “Wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.” 

 

“Yeah.” Wooshin pulls away. 

 

He shakes his leg violently, hearing the things on the coffee table shift around. His head is pounding and he feels nauseous still. Hwanhee watches as he stands, pacing in front of him. Wooshin stops suddenly and grabs his phone.

 

“I can't do this. I'm calling Kogyeol.” Wooshin breathes heavily, as he begins to dial. 

 

Hwanhee jumps off the couch and grabs his wrists. “The fuck you are!” 

 

He manages to rip the phone from Wooshin's hand, throwing it across the room. Wooshin yells and tries to push past him to grab it. Hwanhee pulls him back by the arms. He groans as Wooshin hits at his chest to get him off. 

 

“Wooseok, I won't let go until you calm down. Hit me all you want but you're not getting shit.” Hwanhee yanks him forward and pulls him into his chest. 

 

Wooshin shakes and yells again, beating at Hwanhee's body. Hwanhee takes the hits, feeling a lump form in his throat. He hates seeing Wooshin like this. Wooshin breaks down, crying from both pain and frustration. His screams fill the room as Hwanhee continues to hold him close. 

 

He calms down after a few minutes and sits back down. Hwanhee takes his phone out and pretends to play a game while Wooshin fixes himself. 

 

**I think Wooshin is about to relapse.**

**Can you go and check on him?**

**Im a bit worried**

 

**Yeah. Im actually on my way to his place already**

 

Hwanhee panics slightly, hoping Kuhn isn't too close. He stands up and apologizes for having to go before running to the front door. Wooshin sniffles and stares at the hallway, confused. He sighs heavily before rushing to his bedroom. 

 

He checks over his shoulder as he opens the drawer to his nightstand. Inside, there is a small bag with about 15 white pills inside. Without thinking, he rips the bag open and pours all of them into his palm. He gasps when he thinks he hears a noise outside the room and freezes for a moment. As he is throwing all the pills into his mouth the bedroom door flies open. Kuhn sees him panic and grab for the bottle of water on the stand. He runs to him as he takes the drink. Wooshin swallows hard as Kuhn wraps his arms around his body. 

 

The two drop to the ground as Wooshin struggles to break free. Kuhn closes his eyes as he pulls Wooshin back up. Wooshin punches Kuhn in the face and he lets go, grabbing his cheek. 

 

“What did you do?” Kuhn asks, heartbroken. 

 

“Please. Please, don't tell anyone.” Wooshin sobs. “I told you. I'm too weak.” 

 

It feels like something hit Kuhn in his chest, seeing Wooshin so broken. “Tell me what you just took!” 

 

Wooshin can't answer as he is crying too hard. It takes him a minute to even get a proper breath. Kuhn feels himself choke up as Wooshin yells out. He picks Wooshin up by his waist and carries him towards the bathroom. 

 

“No! Don't make me do this again!” Wooshin thrashes around, trying to break free. 

 

Kuhn struggles to keep his grip but continues to push him into the room. “Babe, you need to get them out of your system. I'm trying to help you.” 

 

“I don't need your help! Let me go!” 

 

Kuhn flinches as Wooshin screams in his ear. He growls as he knees him in the thigh, letting go. Wooshin loses his stance and stumbles back into the vanity. His head bashes against the cabinet making him go quiet. Kuhn holds his breath through his shoulder pain and drops down to him. He places his hand behind Wooshin's head to make sure he isn't bleeding. 

 

Wooshin sways to the side as the pills quickly set in. He smiles and scoffs, grabbing Kuhn's shirt weakly. 

 

“I feel so much better, already.” He says before completely falling to the floor. 

 

Kuhn curses to himself, getting his phone out and calling Kogyeol. Kogyeol groans as his phone goes off across the room. He apologizes to the boy underneath him as he stands up. The boy watches him answer and look concerned. 

 

“He relapsed. I don't know what he took or how much but he's already passed out and I really don't know what to do.” Kuhn's voice cracks as he rushes through his sentence. 

 

“I'll be right there. Make sure he's not on his back.” Kogyeol responds, running out of the bedroom. 

 

“I'm gonna carry him to his room. Putting the phone in my pocket.” 

 

Kogyeol listens to Kuhn struggle to pick Wooshin up. The boy comes out of the room and over to Kogyeol. He asks what's wrong as Kogyeol is putting his shoes on. 

 

“I'm sorry, my friend fucking relapsed and it wasn't my supply. You can crash in my bed or go home. Up to you.” Kogyeol tells him, running out the front door. 

 

Kuhn hangs up the phone after Kogyeol tells him he's on his way. Kogyeol holds his breath as he dials Hwanhee's number. 

 

“Hello?” Hwanhee answers, confused. 

 

“Did you fucking give Wooshin anything today?” Kogyeol yells, speeding down the road.

 

“Why?” 

 

“Because he fucking fucked up and I know he didn't get the pills from me!” 

 

“I didn't give him anything but when I was over, he was already on the verge of a relapse.” 

 

“Then why'd you leave him alone?” 

 

“Kuhn was coming over and I got scared.” 

 

“I swear to god, if something happens to him, I'll rip you apart.” Kogyeol breathes heavily, pulling down Wooshin's street. “I'm sorry, it's not your fault. I'm just panicked right now.” 

 

“I understand. He did mention earlier about some guy he met yesterday. We got a bunch of new trainees so I assumed it was one of them. Maybe not.” Hwanhee rubs his face, feeling stupid for not thinking straight earlier. 

 

Kogyeol apologizes again and thanks him before hanging up. He jumps out of the car, running to the front door. Kuhn answers the door after Kogyeol beats on it. 

 

Wooshin turns onto his back as the two walk in. He weakly waves at them and smiles. Kogyeol takes his jacket off and sits on the bed. Kuhn crosses his arms, leaning against the wall. They both jump when Wooshin gasps loudly, grabbing his chest. Kogyeol leans over him and places his hand over Wooshin's. Wooshin tries to stand up but the two force him to stay down. They let him sit up in bed. 

 

“Tell me where you got those pills, Wooshin.” Kogyeol asks him with a hand on his shoulder. 

 

Wooshin's head drops down and snaps back up. He smiles, feeling his heart flip in his chest. Kogyeol and Kuhn hold their breath as Wooshin begins to gag loudly. He stands again, trying to rush to the bathroom. The two walk out behind him. Once Wooshin reaches the hall, he drops to his knees. He pukes onto the carpet and falls into the wall. His eyes close and his body goes limp. 

 

Kuhn runs to him, pulling him into his arms. Kogyeol curses and grabs his jacket, rushing out with Kuhn. They get into their own cars, Kuhn placing Wooshin carefully in the back. He finds a plastic bag on the floor and holds it in front of his face. Kogyeol waits for Kuhn to leave before following behind him. 

 

_ Fucking bullshit.  _

 

Hwanhee sits on his couch, bouncing his leg anxiously. He bites his nails and looks at his phone after it starts to ring. It's his manager. 

 

“Hwanhee, is Wooseok with you?” His manager asks, sounding concerned. “He didn't answer his phone and he missed his meeting.” 

 

“Yeah, he's here. He just took a nap in the guest room, I'll have him call when he wakes up.” Hwanhee lies. 

 

“Alright, yeah. Thanks.” 

 

Hwanhee hangs up and dials Kogyeol's number, finding it odd that he doesn't answer. He then tries to call Kuhn. Nothing. Feeling his anxiety rise, he tries calling Wooshin. It goes straight to voicemail. He looks at the screen as he gets a text from his manager. 

 

**By the way..**

**Ruby Memorial Hospital**

**Room #125**

 

He stares at the text for a few seconds, trying to understand. It hits him and he runs out of the house as fast as possible. 

 

When he gets to the hospital, his manager is standing in the lobby with his arms crossed. His manager grabs him by the arm and drags him down the hall. Hwanhee feels awkward as they get into the elevator. 

 

“Don't you ever lie to me again.” His manager growls. 

 

“I'm sorry.” Hwanhee puts his head down. “What happened?” 

 

“He overdosed, again and as much as I don't want to do this, we have to terminate his contract. As well as a new trainee's.” 

 

Hwanhee looks up at him. “What? No, that'll destroy him.” The two get out of the elevator and start walking down the hall. 

 

“We'll let him go on his tour under tight security but when he comes back, he will no longer be under our company.” He pauses. “Let this be your reminder that you're still on thin ice.”

 

The manager dips into the room but Hwanhee stops at the doorway. He feels his stomach turn. 

 

Kogyeol lays back in a chair while Kuhn sits on the windowsill. Wooshin breathes slowly, fogging his oxygen mask. He stares at the ceiling. Hwanhee slowly makes his way inside, afraid he'll be attacked. Kogyeol quietly greets him and Kuhn looks up. Hwanhee takes his jacket off and walks to his manager. Kuhn says hello to him, making his shoulders ease slightly. 

 

Wooshin weakly sits up but is afraid to look his manager in the eye. His manager asks all the boys to leave the room for a minute. Kuhn and Kogyeol begin to leave but Hwanhee doesn't at first. He is surprised when Kuhn grabs his arm and pulls him out. Wooshin feels his chest tighten as they close the door behind them. 

 

“I gave you one more chance, Wooseok. What happened?” His manager ask, sitting beside him. 

 

“I don't know. I'm just too weak.” Wooshin replies, putting his head back.

 

“You do know that we've got to terminate your contract now, right? We'll let your tour complete in the fall but after that, we can not keep you anymore. Trust me, it took a lot of convincing to let you keep your tour.” 

 

Wooshin's head shoots up and tears form in his eyes. “What? No, please, I'm sorry. Don't do this to me. I'll do whatever I can to get better. I promise.” 

 

“You've lost all your chances, Wooseok. We've dealt with this for two years now and you haven't improved. We can't afford all your hospital trips and doctor's appointments anymore. And how can we trust that you'll actually get better this time? I'm sorry, I know we've been together for a long time but after November, we will part ways.” 

 

Wooshin feels his head spin as he stares at his manager. Tears fall down his cheek and he fogs his oxygen mask. His breathing quickens, beginning to have a panic attack. He shakes and grabs his manager by the wrist, apologizing over and over again. His manager stands up, grabbing his things and leaving. 

 

The three watch him walk down the hall, keeping a serious look in his face. They all slowly go back into the room. Wooshin has taken the mask off and is crying hard in his hands. Kuhn jumps to him, pulling him into his abdomen. He can feel his body trembling under him. Wooshin's face is red as he pulls away.

 

“Hey, baby, what's wrong?” Kuhn asks, trying to calm him down. 

 

“I lost everything!” Wooshin yells, falling back into Kuhn's arms. 

 

“They'll be terminating his contract.” Hwanhee says quietly, feeling his heart break. 

 

Kuhn pushes the hair from Wooshin's eyes, blowing on his face to cool him down. “It's okay, baby. It's okay. We'll figure this out.” 

 

“I just lost one of the most important things in my life.” 

 

He screams out into Kuhn's shirt, not caring about getting spit and tears on it. Everyone stands awkwardly, not sure what to do. A rush goes to Wooshin's head as his body gives out. He falls limp, Kuhn catching him and laying him back down. His face is pale with exception of his red cheeks. Kuhn caresses his face, wiping the tears away. Wooshin slowly closes his eyes as he fails to get a proper breath in. 

 

“At least I still have you.” Wooshin sighs, grabbing blindly for Kuhn's hand. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

  
Kuhn walks into Kogyeol's office, setting a stack of papers on his desk. He looks around at the horrible decor, knowing Kogyeol didn't have a say in any of it. There is a tap on his shoulder that makes him jump and spin around. Kogyeol laughs and greets him.

“I got the paperwork for Niel's solo finished, I just need you to fax it for approval.” Kuhn still feels awkward talking so professionally to Kogyeol.

“Perfect, I'll do that after I get done with Hwanhee's fanmeet promotions.” Kogyeol grabs the papers and sets them to the side. “Did you take your lunch yet?”

“Nope.”

“Well, I'm fucking hungry so let's go.”

He grabs his jacket and his keys, walking out behind Kuhn. Kuhn rushes to his desk and grabs his things as well. They get into the elevator. Kogyeol steps off with Kuhn walking behind him towards the parking lot. Their cars are beside each other so they lean against them to decide where to eat. Kuhn suggests the small sandwich shop down the road. Kogyeol agrees so they make their way.

The two order their food and sit in a small booth towards the back of the dining area. Kuhn doesn't eat at first, just stares at his plate.

“You good?” Kogyeol leans forward.

“I don't know. My brain won't be quiet.” Kuhn sighs, putting his head down. “I can't stop worrying about Wooshin and thinking about Jinhoo.”

“Why don't you take the rest of the day off? Go to Wooshin's and help him pack. I'm sure he'd prefer you over his manager, right now.”

“Are you sure? Will I get in trouble?”

“Nah, I promise. I submit the time cards, they won't know.”

He nods and the two begin to eat, Kuhn picking at his food slowly. Kogyeol tries not to focus on worrying about anyone, knowing how behind on his work he is.

They finish and walk out to the parking lot. Kogyeol pats Kuhn on the back and tells him he will see him at home.

Kuhn drags his feet into the apartment, loosening his tie. His body aches as he's been pulling 13 hour shifts all week. He very slowly makes his way to his bedroom. When he opens the door, he is surprised to see Wooshin's jacket and phone laying on the bed. Not seeing Wooshin, he starts to wander around the house, looking for him.

The bathroom door is closed but the light is on. Leaning his ear to the door, he hears the shower turning on. He very slowly opens the door after a minute and peaks in. Wooshin doesn't notice as the shower curtains are too dark layered on top of each other. Kuhn smirks and sits there for a moment before peeking his head in. Wooshin yelps but laughs when he sees who it is. The two blush as Kuhn stares at his body in amazement. Wooshin isn't sure if he should feel awkward and embarrassed or not. He smiles as he notices a glimmer in Kuhn's eyes.

“God, you're beautiful.” Kuhn says, smiling softly.

“Would you like to join me?” Wooshin asks, feeling his cheeks burn a little.

Kuhn chuckles and pulls away. He starts to take his shirt off, playing with his scar for a second before unbuckling his belt. His anxiety kicks in, afraid that Wooshin will judge his body in some way. Wooshin looks up at him as he crawls into the shower. The water is a bit too hot for Kuhn's liking but he doesn't care.

He places his hands on Wooshin's hips and pulls him close. They close their eyes as their lips meet. Wooshin wraps his arms around Kuhn's body, pushing their chests together. Kuhn slides a hand up to his cheek, kissing him deeper. Their tongues intertwine as they continue. The tension in Kuhn's shoulders melts away as Wooshin holds onto him. They pull away but don't let go of each other.

“I didn't expect you to be home early.” Wooshin says quietly, placing his head against Kuhn's heart.

“I'm glad I am. What are you doing here?” Kuhn turns the both of them so he can stand under the water.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He chuckles.

“This was a great surprise.”

Wooshin whines when Kuhn lets go of him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Kuhn reaches for his shampoo bottle and pours some in his palm. He rubs both hands together and slowly starts to run them through Wooshin's hair. Wooshin closes his eyes and relaxes as he does this. His head falls forward but Kuhn leads him back towards the water. He covers his eyes and leans his head back, slowly washing the shampoo out. Wooshin lets out a happy sigh, leaning back up and meeting Kuhn's gaze.

“You're beautiful, too.” Wooshin smiles, feeling his heart flutter.

He watches as Kuhn grabs the conditioner bottle, slowly running the product through his hair as well. Wooshin blushes as a small, relaxed moan escapes his lips. Kuhn chuckles as he continues to massage his head. He lets Wooshin rinse it out as he grabs for the shower gel. They look at each other as Kuhn feels his pulse rise. He pours the gel into his palm but hesitates to take the next step. Wooshin tells him it's okay and he tries to relax. He leans forward, starting at Wooshin's shoulders.

Wooshin's breaths slow as Kuhn rubs his hands over his chest. Kuhn looks up to him every few seconds to make sure he isn't stepping over any boundaries. He slowly makes his way down to Wooshin's waist, trying to hide his shaking as he leans down. Wooshin is completely at ease as Kuhn reaches his legs. Kuhn stops and looks at a scar on his thigh before standing back up.

“You can get your private bits.” Kuhn laughs.

“Oh-right.” Wooshin's face turns pink and he awkwardly moves to the side.

He grabs the soap and quickly washes the places Kuhn didn't get. His head slowly lifts up. Kuhn is staring at him, smiling softly. He slides his hand over Wooshin's cheek and pulls his forward. Their lips meet, this time with more pressure. Kuhn blindly reaches behind him, turning the water off and pulling the curtain open. They both shiver from the sudden cold air rushing in. Wooshin pulls off and carefully steps out of the shower, reaching for a clean towel from the shelf in the corner. He covers his body with the towel. Kuhn does the same, wrapping his towel around his waist. He stops Wooshin from grabbing his clothes which prompts Wooshin's brain to malfunction.

Kuhn grabs his wrist and slowly leads him from the bathroom. Wooshin doesn't resist as Kuhn pulls him into his bedroom. His pulse rises as his legs are pushed against the bed frame. He bites his lip and stares into Kuhn's eyes as Kuhn slides his hand over his throat. A moan escapes Wooshin's lips as Kuhn forces him onto the bed. Kuhn slowly begins to crawl above him, he stops as he reaches Wooshin's waist. Wooshin breathes heavily, placing a hand on his forehead when Kuhn kisses his hip bone.

Wooshin reaches blindly for Kuhn, pulling him up by his hair. His eyes close as he pushes his lips against Kuhn's. Kuhn muffles a soft groan that makes Wooshin grind his hips forward. They both twitch and their bodies begin to tremble. Kuhn tilts Wooshin's head back, biting at his neck. Wooshin's hands travel down Kuhn's body, grabbing his towel and ripping it off.

Kuhn doesn't pull from Wooshin as he drags his hand down his chest to his hip. Wooshin moans and inhales sharply at his touch.

“Please-” Wooshin's head rolls back.

“What, baby? What do you want me to do?” Kuhn can't help but chuckle, enjoying Wooshin's pleasure, biting down hard on his shoulder. The hand on his hip slowly moves against Wooshin's cock. “Tell me.”

“Ah-” He whines. “I want you.”

“You want me?” Kuhn slightly strokes him. “How?”

Wooshin grabs Kuhn's shoulders and pulls him back down, biting and kissing his lips. He bucks his hips and wraps his leg around Kuhn's. Kuhn smirks and reaches into his bedside table, pulling out a small thing of lube. In one swift movement, he turns on his back and brings Wooshin on top of him. Wooshin's mouth falls open as he leans against Kuhn's legs. The two stare at each other. Kuhn places his hand against Wooshin’s thigh, softly digging his nails into his skin.

“Wooseok-” He breathes deeply, catching Wooshin off guard by him using his real name. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I think so.” Wooshin rests his hand over Kuhn's.

“I want you to know so.”

“Kuhn, please.”

Kuhn pulls him forward, kissing him gently on his lips while applying the lube onto himself. He doesn't pull away, feeling an excited twinge in his stomach as he lines himself against Wooshin. Wooshin has his eyes closed tight, a mixture of anxiety and excitement rushing over his body. A breathy moan escapes his lips as Kuhn slowly pushes into Wooshin. Kuhn looks up at Wooshin when he hears a whimper. Wooshin leans into Kuhn's chest, wrapping his arms around his torso. Kuhn smiles before thrusting forward quickly. He holds still, feeling Wooshin's body jump and start to tremble above him.

“Fuck.” Wooshin whispers, digging his nails into the bedding.

He hears Kuhn chuckle again before their bodies naturally begin to move together. Kuhn pants, keeping a hand over Wooshin's head, petting him softly. Wooshin claws at Kuhn's shoulders, letting out small, pleasured noises every few seconds. He pulls himself up on one arm and stares into Kuhn's eyes. They both look at each other for a moment, almost forgetting what they were doing. Kuhn places his hand over Wooshin's cheek, caressing it gently.

“God- I love you.” He feels himself begin to choke up.

Wooshin buries himself back into Kuhn's neck, letting out a whine. His hips grind down and Kuhn takes the hint to continue. He immediately picks up speed and feels Wooshin tense up against him. Wooshin's moans get harder to control as they continue.

He's caught off guard when Kuhn forces to sit up straight. Electricity flows through both of them. Kuhn feels a heat burning in his stomach as his body begins to twitch. Wooshin throws his head back and bites his lip, holding his breath. His body trembles as he's unable to contain himself anymore, orgasming hard on top of Kuhn. Kuhn lets out a few hard breaths before throwing Wooshin off of him. He finishes on his stomach, nearly folding his body in half from pleasure. Wooshin curls into a ball beside him, letting out broken whimpers.

Kuhn wipes his stomach off with his blanket and turns on his side. He pulls Wooshin into his chest, still catching his breath. Wooshin wipes the sweat from Kuhn's chest before placing his head against it. They lay there motionless for about ten minutes before Kuhn sits up. His eyes are glossy as he smiles lovingly at Wooshin. Wooshin stares up to him.

“You're the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.” Kuhn laughs lightly to himself. “I'm happy we could finally do this.”

“Fuck the tour, you and I can just run away together.” Wooshin replies, rubbing Kuhn's back.

Hwanhee checks the time before scanning his ID to get into the UP10 building. He picks at his lip as he walks down the stairs towards the studios. Other artists and staff members glance at him. He lowers his head and pushes into the room, closing the door behind him. His chest begins to ache as he slides his back down the door. He stares at the wall, body trembling.

**I dont think i can work today**   
**Im sorry**

He sighs, trying not to get sick. His hands shake as he turns his phone back on, dialing a number.

“Kogyeol- Are you still at work?” Hwanhee’s voice cracks.

“I just left, about to drop some work off at UP10. Why, what’s up?” Kogyeol yawns, trying to focus on both the call and driving.

“I’m down in the studio. Can you please come get me before you leave? I don’t want to go out there alone. Everyone is judging me.”

“Yeah. Just give me like, 10 minutes.”

Hwanhee spaces out, body shaking violently against the door. He is kicked back to reality when Kogyeol tries to walk in. Kogyeol slides through the small space between the door and the frame. Hwanhee buries his head in his knees and begins to sob. Kogyeol slowly leans down to him, placing his hand on his back. He pulls Hwanhee close. Hwanhee jumps into his chest, crying louder.

“I don't want to be here anymore.” Hwanhee muffles into Kogyeol's shirt.

“I'm taking you home, now.” Kogyeol looks at him and wipes his tears away.

“No! Everything is just shitty. I feel like shit, I lost my best friend because I'm an idiot, the love of my life hates me and got kicked out of the company, he still thinks I'm a fucking monster and at this point, I don't think I'll be anything but that. Why am I still alive?”

“You're not a monster. You went through a rough patch in your life and you're putting so much effort into fixing that. I'm proud of you, Hwanhee and trust me, Wooshin is too.”

Hwanhee coughs and takes a few hard breaths. “Then why doesn't he talk to me anymore? Why is it only about Kuhn? Why can't I just be happy again?”

Kogyeol shushes him as his cries get louder. “Hey, you can be happy again. You have to work for it, though.” He pushes Hwanhee's bangs away. “You are working to make yourself that beautiful person you used to be before all this shit.”

“No, I think the world would be happier if I was just dead.”

“Don't say that.” His voice cracks making Hwanhee look up to see tears forming in his eyes. “I know a lot of bad shit happened but I really care about you.”

“You're just saying that because I'm your client. Without me, you wouldn't make any money.”

“Stop that, Hwanhee. I've known you for almost 6 years now. If you were just a client, I wouldn't be here holding you while you cried. If you really thought you were nothing more than a client then you wouldn't have called for help.”

Hwanhee trembles, sniffling and wiping his tears with his sleeve. His mouth twitches as he stares up to Kogyeol. Kogyeol tries his best to give a warming smile but it's hard while being concerned for him. He rests his hand against Hwanhee's cheek. Hwanhee lays into his palm, feeling his stress start to melt away by his touch.

“Thank you.” Hwanhee whispers.

“I'm taking you back to my place, okay?” Kogyeol slowly brings him to his feet.

“But what if Kuhn’s home?”

“Don’t worry about that.”

Hwanhee nods and takes a shaky breath as Kogyeol opens the door. He keeps his hand against Hwanhee’s back, walking down the hall. Hwanhee is thankful no one is out in the hall or lobby as they leave. Kogyeol leads him to the car and helps him inside.

Hwanhee holds his breath as Kogyeol opens the door to the apartment. He releases once he sees the place empty. His hands shake but he hides them in his pocket while making his way into the living room. Hwanhee sits on the couch and stares into space. He feels Kogyeol sit beside him but doesn’t look up as he rests his hand against Hwanhee’s thigh. Hwanhee flinches at his touch and lowers his head.

Kogyeol leans forward, placing his hand softly under Hwanhee’s chin. He lifts his head up, moving closer to his body. Hwanhee watches him closely, stomach twisting as Kogyeol’s legs touch his. He closes his eyes and jumps when Kogyeol presses his lips against his. Kogyeol pushes him backwards as he kisses him deeper. He crawls on top of him and moans, grinding his hips down. Hwanhee wraps his arms around his waist and digs his nails into his skin.

He muffles against Kogyeol’s mouth, pulling at his shirt. Kogyeol pulls away and stares into Hwanhee’s eyes.

“I really mean it when I say I care you about.” He looks away and smiles to himself.

“Minsoo, if you’re just trying to fuck with me-”

“Hwan, you’re human again and I really think it’s beautiful.”

Hwanhee sits up slightly. “I've never seen this side of you.”

“Is that a good thing?” He chuckles.

“Wait- hey, fuck you.” He smacks Kogyeol's arm. “You tried to make that human comment sound sweet. You asshole.”

“Well words aren't exactly my strong suit when it comes to stuff like this. Don't make fun of me.”

“I'd never.” He smiles, wrapping his arms around Kogyeol's neck and pulling into a kiss. “And yes, it is a good thing.” 


End file.
